Back To Shore

Lyrics: Wanderlust – Frank Turner, 2011

Hiking | If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I went for a hike today. The first in ages. I probably wrote about hiking quite a bit in the old pre-pandemic blog. I’m pretty sure I didn’t in this version of it, because I haven’t done a lot of it since I started this the first pandemic summer. My parents loved hiking and they took us to do it with them so, so, so many times when we were little. I didn’t do a lot of that for almost three decades until I caught the My Peak Challenge bug and hiking sort of turned into my activity of choice.

Anyway, today I went for a hike. I just wanted to get out and clear my head and be active and distract myself from too many gloomy thoughts. And that worked. I wish I could tap into that drive more often. But maybe I will…

Lyrics: I Knew Prufrock Before I Got Famous – Frank Turner, 2008

*taps microphone* Is this still on?

That’s been a loooong time without a blog post. I was on such a “oversharing” roll two weeks ago and then my life just got so busy. Which is a good thing! And I knew it would be and in all the crazy business I thought on occasion I should try to write a few things down and by that work through it, but then I was too tired or too busy and such. Let’s try a short recap of the madness though.

New (?) Life in the Pandemic | The pandemic is not over. Far from it, I’d say. But for the first time in a long time I can understand the impulse to just not care as much and maybe act like we all did in the “before times”. These past two weeks I’ve been out and about and in crowds and interacting with lots of other people for the first time since March 2020. And it felt great! Of course.

In crowds – like at gigs, on the train, even walking around the breakfast room at a hotel – I still wore a mask. Often enough as the only person, which made me feel quite self-conscious at times and embarrassed to stand out. But then I remembered the “you were in close contact with someone / had distanced encounter with a few people who tested positive” notifications popping up on the German Track&Trace App quickly after the two gigs in Germany. And I resisted the temptation to take off the mask and blend in. So what, if I stood out with my white mask in the front row? It made me recognizable to the support band and provided me with thumbs up and smiles and waves from two of the band during the last gig, so… I can’t complain.

I did take off the mask during the gigs for brief moments, like when people came to say Hi or for the rare photo op with the artists. All in all, I still think I’ve been quite safe. I tested negative for a period of ten days and took a test on Friday before I set off for the last two gigs on the weekend. I will need to test on Wednesday anyway as I head into the office, which fits with a possible incubation time. But I’m not too worried.

Being a Frank Turner Fangirl | I have so missed this! Not necessarily the exhaustion that come with the travelling and the exercise and the lack of sleep. But the live music from my favourite band. The atmosphere. The singing and dancing and jumping up and down. The people. The familiar faces from previous gigs. The friends I’ve made and finally saw again. The new folks I met. It’s been too long indeed. Thinking back to my first two years going to gigs on my own because I was too shy and scared and felt too alien to what I thought was a typical “cool” Frank fan to make a connection with anyone. In Tilburg several people I have met online or at gigs and then connected on social media came by to say Hello and it felt so good to be a part of this community. Again. It does replenish my heart and soul and I really hope I will never again have to go without it for such a long time.

Travelling to the UK | The other crazy thing I did in the past two weeks was to travel to the UK for four days to celebrate my friend 50th birthday. I had to drive to Brussels after two Frank Turner gigs on too little sleep to catch the Eurostar there. Travelling abroad for the first time in two years was exciting but not as nerve racking as I had feared. It was lovely to see my friends again and spend time with new people (at the actual party everyone had taken a test before coming ). To just talk and be in company of friends and to do new things. Like painting a tile.

Therapy | I had the first two sessions with my therapist and I think it went quite well. I like her, she’s very easy to talk to and at the moment it still feels like just chatting about stuff. I’m a bit behind with my “homework” though and need to get on with that next week. It still feels a bit weird, as I have no idea how it will evolve and what it will do with me. But I think it’s a very good thing that I started it.

Entertainment | Of course I came home from the UK with a few new books. I can’t help it. One was a birthday present and another was a loan/gift, so I only bought three more, which is not too bad, is it? On the trip back from the UK I started reading the non-fiction “Bodies – Life and Death in Music” by Ian Winwood whose honest and open, but always also warm and funny style got me hooked right away. But it is a bit of a dark subject matter and after my work week started again on Tuesday I realized I need something lighter for a few days. So I switched to Mhari MacFarlane’s “Mad About You”, which might turn out a bit darker than I expected as well. But still not as dark as I will put it away, because it’s very entertaining otherwise. I’ve also started watching “Heartstopper” on Netflix, after I read about it on Twitter and enjoyed the trailer. Such a lovely show. Only eight episodes so I need to pace myself a bit to prolong the ending…

Lyrics: Be More Kind – Frank Turner, 2018

I’ve made it to my hotel in Bremen without any trouble with lots of time till the gig tonight. I considered napping for a bit, but anxious me was too worried that I might sleep through the alarm(s). I lay down regardless, starting scrolling through my phone and for whatever fucked up reason started looking up Covid infections risk at gigs. As if I haven’t read about all of that and considered the pros and cons for months now. Stupid, stupid me, letting me drag down that negative thought spiral.

I switched to the Calm app for a meditation and that helped a bit, I think. On the drive up I listened to two podcasts which both got me thinking, in a similar line of thought like yesterday. The first one was an episode of “How To Fail with Elizabeth Day” from January 2022 and the guest was the one and only Brené Brown. I’ve heard of Brené Brown and her talks / works / books about shame and vulnerability of course, but I admit I haven’t read anything from her yet. “The Gift of Imperfection” sits on my to-read self since… forever. I should pull that out and read this year, I think. There was a lot on this talk that got me thinking about how I see other people and how I think they see me and why I should try to change both of these perceptions. Vague, I know. I can’t express it any clearer at the moment.

The 2nd podcast was a German one from last summer: “Unterwegs mit…” (translated to “Travelling with…”) where the host and the guest spent a train journey together chatting. This episode was with Cordula Stratmann, a German comedian, but also trained social worker and family counsellor. And she’s still working as the latter. I picked this one, because I thought Cordula would be an funny and interesting guest and she was. One of the topics they also touched on was: how we see other people and how we so often do that with preset ideas about those people and how we often only see what we want to see and not really see the other person. Mmmh. Guilty as charged. Twice in one day…. 🙂

Three more hours till the doors open for the gig tonight. I’m still surprisingly calm. Here’s another Frank pic from the last gig. Almost 800 days ago…