29.01.2023 | “Draw a Line Underneath All of This Unhappiness”

Lyrics: “Get Better” ~ Frank Turner, 2015

Mood | I almost don’t dare to say it, but I’m feeling fine. Maybe even good. It’s a strange sensation and it might only be temporary, but… yeah: I manage to keep the worrying and floundering to a minimum. Or if not minimum at least manageable to a degree that doesn’t feel debilitating. The vast absence of the nagging voice in my head feels a bit weird, but I’ll take it as long as she’s shushed. I rediscovered “Get Better” when I listened to a podcast with Frank earlier this week, where he talked about this song and how it’s mostly a pep talk to himself. But it worked the same way for me a lot of times in the past…

Getting Things Done | No, not in the productivity GTD system sense, just in general. I feel like I’ve done much better this week and weekend with crossing some things off my to-do-list. Small tasks and big tasks and random tasks. Yesterday I made myself finish a task – handling the 2022 accounts of the local Green Party – once I started it, instead of just doing a bit and then postponing the rest for the next day. Yes, it took me most of the evening and I got behind on other – leisurely plans – but at least I got it done! And thus could be leisurely today. This might seem like such a common / normal thing to do. Work first, fun later, right? But I had a hard time following through with that recently, so I’m quite proud that I made myself do it last night. I also handled some smaller personal admit stuff today as well. I was on a roll this weekend.

Grief | Still comes and goes as it is to be expected, I guess. We touched on that in therapy this week and how it’s entangled with all the other grievances I still carry around from my childhood. But also how it is ok to feel all these emotions simultaneously. For a while – since at least November – I had planned to work on that by writing all the thoughts and emotions down and trying to make a bit more sense of some. Just for myself. But I admit I’m a bit at loss and also a bit scared to start with that. I hope to be in the right mindset and a less distracting surroundings when I’m away for for a few days in February. It’s a plan at least.

Books | I’m buying and buying new ones and don’t even know when I’ll have the time to read them all. Or when I’ll be in the (right) mood for any of them. The novel I’m reading currently is dragging a bit and I’m tempted to either abandon it or skim through the second half. I’ve got quite a few interesting non-fiction books on my shelf, but as so often: I just can’t make up my mind, which to start with. There are also quite a few novels and the same dilemma. I might need to go back to reading the first few pages of a few and then decide. What a boring first world problem, I know.

Photography | It was still below 0 °C here all morning and I thought I might find some interesting winter / frozen over / anything nature or locations to snap photos of. I drove a few minutes to the next town, because I feel like I’ve seen enough of my own. And to be honest, I wanted to avoid running into people I know and having to explain why I was out with the camera. Yes, I’m feeling fine, but still suffer from lack of self-esteem in some regards. Anyway, I took some photos and dabbled around editing them, but didn’t got anything I considered worth sharing. Then I remembered I had already been shooting in RAW format last year on my vacation, so went back to two of those photos. I’m quite happy how they turned out.

Ameland Dunes – not edited
Ameland Dunes – edited
Ameland Beach – not edited
Ameland Beach – edited

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