02.08.2021 | “Some Mornings I Pray For Evenings…”

Another rather sleepless night *sigh*. This is starting to turn into stupid cycle. I wake up early and can’t fall back asleep. I stay a bit sluggish all day and am knackered early in the evening. I go to be early-ish. I sleep well for a few hours and then wake up early and don’t manage to fall back to sleep.

Today in the early waking hours I even reset the alarm for 45 minutes later to allow for more rest. Didn’t help.

My choice of “lull myself to sleep” audiobook might have been part of the problem this time? I’m listening to Harry Potter (for the first time as audiobook, I might add) and Stephen Fry usually manage to lull me back to sleep ASAP. But when I lay awake around 3 this morning and turned it back on I had reached “The Dark Mark” in book 4. And that’s not the most comforting plot line. I don’t know. By that point I was too annoyed to try for a different more calming story.

So against all better judgement and best intention it didn’t take me too long to reach for my phone to check social media and news and stuff. Waning myself of this constant habit is hard, man. Anyway, I got up, put on a load of laundry. Turned on the dishwasher (which I had forgotten to do in the evening). Made a pot of coffee. Took out the trash. Watched some Olympics. Sorted away the clean linen and towels from the previous load of laundry. Took a photo of the sunrise.

Sunrise, August 2021

Finally meditated! Started typing this post.

There is not much else going on in my life at the moment. It’s quite boring. Still a lot of phone calls and errands and shopping for the home care situation which will change our lives starting next week. Still a lot of worrying on my part about all of this and other stuff. And I wonder why I don’t sleep well. I feel a bit overwhelmed quite a lot these days from this situation and also work and also… just feeling not up-to-par with my life. The COVID pandemic also still contributes to that feeling, I’m afraid. I’m also afraid that this will continue to contribute for a long while still.

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