08.04.2021 | “Be More Kind…”

Lyrics: “Be More Kind” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

These past few days I realized I desperately need to be more kind to myself. More compassionate and more forgiving. Which all in all might sound self-indulgent and self-centred, but if you’ve heard how I talk to myself (not literally, but inside my head, you know what I mean) you might agree. Ugh. I feel like I really am too hard on myself. While simultaenously thinking I really need to get a grip and stop whining. Everybody’s got problems, you know. My mind is a weird place to be in at the moment. I don’t seemed to find the balance between taking it easy and take time to just “be” while also being a functional adult with a job and all. Does that make sense?

The only times I get out of the house and see / meet other people beside my family bubble (who I don’t live with but visit daily for a few minutes) usually are trips to the supermarket and picking up food orders these days, which all in all are errands I run quickly and don’t require a lot of human interaction. Earlier this week I had to pick up my monthly prescription from my neurologist and drop by the pharmacy to pick the meds up. Ugh! Exhausting. The queue outside and inside the neurologist practice. People not wearing their mask properly. People getting a bit too much into my space and yes, I know when we need to pass each other in the hallway that’s unavoidable and those were wearing masks, so there really was no risk, but I felt uncomfortable anyway. The nurses being busy doing their job and thus needed to keep us waiting for a bit, but still… TOO many people all around me (even distanced) for too long. Add the gaggle of people – not keeping any distance – huddled in front of the door, eager to get in, when I got out. ARGH! I was tempted to write a post titled ” The truth is I don’t like people all that much”, which isn’t really in the Be More Kind spirit I try to apply to my life at the moment. But it’s hard…

A few days ago Frank Turner posted some thoughts on Twitter about how we need to re-learn how to socialize after the lockdown / pandemic and while I absolutely agree where he was coming from (I’m that socially anxious all the time), I’m afraid just getting used to being around random people will take me some time to learn again.

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