Back To Shore

Lyrics “One Foot Before the Other” – Frank Turner, 2011

We had a wonderful, sunny, warm late autumn day here, so of course I went off on my “pilgrimage” along a German section of the “Camino / Way of St. James” again. There will be links to the previous posts a the end of this post.

Part 3: Lengerich (Stadtfeldmark) – Greven – Schmedhausen
(~ 16 km)
Saturday, 26 October 2024

All in all I walked about 20 km yesterday, including 1.8 km to the starting point of this section (first to the bus stop, then from the bus stop to the spot where I left the trail last time). Then there also were 2.3 km planned detour to a fast-food place at service station near the motorway, because I’ll do those long hikes in a more relaxed state of mind when I know I can use a toilet half-way through. TMI? I don’t care. It might be purely psychological, but I’m willing to do a detour for my state of mind.

This time I did actually drive up to the region of this section, because to get back home in the evening I did not want to rely on an hourly bus (50 minutes to the train station) and another 60 minutes on a train and then still a drive home for some time. I might do that as well for the next few sections, because I just found out that there will be rail replacement buses on a part of the rail route till the end of the year.

As mentioned above the weather was lovely. Unlike the first and also the second time I – finally – managed to be less “in my head” (daydreaming, ruminating, worrying) on this third outing. A few days earlier I had listened to a 10% happier podcast from earlier this year. On this one Dan Harris talked to two psychology professors – Dr. Zindel Segal and Prof. Norman Farb about their book and their newly developed mental health technique of “Sense Foraging”. I’m not yet 100% on board with their overall idea, that focusing on what you experience through your senses helps you with overwhelm and anxiety and such and I’m also not sure if it really is different from mediation in general. They discussed that aspect on the podcast and I admit I still don’t know. I still ordered their book “Better in Every Sense” though (Because, of course, I did). Anyway, focusing on

• the sound of my feet on the ground or the leaves I was crushing under my soles
• the sound of various birds in the trees or vehicles passing by on the distant street
• the twinge in my back or the sun on my face
• the colours of the leaves and flowers or the trees’ bark

did in fact help me to be more in the moment and be less lost in thought in my head. Helped me much more than any other sort of “just be” / mediation technique I tried to apply on the first two walks.

I know, I know this sound like super-duper new-age hippie shit. But it is, what it is. What can I say?

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I didn’t run into or talked to a lot of people and I was fine with that. The few encounters I had were quite lovely though. One was with another hiking couple – on a different route – who had lost their way. They were using their phone (maps / navigation) to try and find the right route again, but the phone in typical Sat-Nav voice only ever gave them useless directions, like it so often does. We had a laugh about it, when I passed them but unfortunately I couldn’t really help them as I only had my route on the map on my phone. They were still in a good mood though, when walked on.

The 2nd lovely encounter was at a private home “in the woods”, where the owners had put out a “Walkers / Pilgrims Table” with free water / hot water in a thermos / tea bags / instant coffee / cups and glasses and a sign inviting everyone to take a rest. They had a tiny donation box and also a guest book in a box; the top weighed down with a rock and a Camino scallop. Such a kind idea. Too bad I had just 5 minutes early sat down on a bench to drink some water and eat some of my provisions. I did leave a note in the guest book though.

Just as I was about to head off again, one of the owners stepped out of the house and we had a bit of a chat about this wonderful idea and they enquired about where I was from and my plans on the Way and all. Turned out at some point they had done a similar thing – doing the Way in sections – and it was all in all just a lovely experience. The kindness of strangers and all that.

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Here now a few more photos from the day. You should be able to see them in a higher resolution if you click on them. [It obviously only took me a couple of years to find out about the customization options of the simple gallery function on WordPress.]

After about 18 km of walking (14 on the actual Way) I reached the Dortmund-Ems Canal – a waterway, I’ll be crossing to and fro a few times for the next 40 km.

As much as I in general enjoy the even and straight path along a canal, by that point I was a bit knackered and seeing the final bridge I needed to cross in the distance – ostensibly still far away – was a tiny bit discouraging. But I got there in the end and just 5 minutes later had reached my car. And I’m already planning my next outing. What can I say? I enjoy this quite a lot: the exercise and the chance to turn off my mind for a while. Not quite the contemplation (yet) one would expect on a pilgrimage, but close enough.

Part 02: Natrup-Hagen to Lengerich, ~ 13 km, 13 October 2024
Part 01: Osnabrück to Natrup-Hagen, ~ 17 km, 15 September 2024

Lyrics “Somewhere Inbetween” – Frank Turner, 2024

When after my 2nd Frank Turner gig this week I sat in my car last night, I was all fired up to share how hard “Somewhere Inbetween” had hit me at this gig and why. To share some personal insight into my messed up mind. To draw parallels, but also share my own current interpretation of these lyrics and all that. Pour my heart out onto this blog so to speak. This morning though I remembered that I didn’t want to share too detailed personal stuff on here anymore. So first thing in the morning I poured (some of) out on paper for my eyes only to avoid being too personal on here again. Anyway, let’s just say that

• all my activities before the gig
• the people I talked to / spend time with at the gig
• the gig itself
• and also an unrelated to the gig mail I read when I got home and how I reacted to that

yesterday can be seen as good way markers of where I am in my “mental health journey”.

In a lot of ways I’m still full of self-doubt. I’m often still unable or unwilling to stand up for myself. Unable or unwilling to take up space. If people have a different opinion than me on whatever issue, I’m still too often unable to just be ok with that. Unable to still consider my own opinion a valid one, even if I don’t openly say so in that moment. Does that make sense to anyone? When others around me are stating opinions, I don’t agree with, I still quite often question if I’m even allowed to have my own different opinions and my own values. My internal monologue then turns this weird mix of defensive, but also rather self-derogative.

“a fake, a foundling fraudster on the take, a huckster hustling half his name [….]
who didn’t know how to feel, but could instinctively pretend, put on a show
[….]
Something isn’t right, something isn’t working.
No one on my side, no sense of where I’m standing.”

Yes I know I’m re-mixing lyrics here. I don’t care.

Having laid out all those things I’m still struggling with though, I do have to acknowledge that I’m also doing better in at least noticing these patterns. Better in talking myself off the ledge. Better in allowing myself to take up space and if even just internally (for the moment) allow myself to disagree with someone and accepting the validity my own position. Or even go further and disagree with some for real! The aforementioned mail thing for instance, where I felt the need to reply in the middle of the night. Not the sanest decision maybe, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. Hence I only went to bed around 4 AM. A good thing I’ve booked the day off.

Like I said, “Somewhere Inbetween” hit me quite hard last night. And it hits hard to begin with to see Frank perform this one the way he does. But as I’ve said on here again and again and again: his willingness to be so open about his inner struggles and to put his struggles into words and to share those with us – on the record and live on stage – was, what got me hooked on his music in the first place. And it is what keeps me going to gig after gig after gig. “A form of public therapy” to quote the man himself. (He said that in a slightly different context, but it’s valid for this as well, I’d say.)

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I had set out to not take all that many photos this time. Alas, I ended up with about 70. I’m beyond help. I narrowed it down to and edited 18 of those. Here are my favourites, some more at a different time (or over time on Instagram)

Lyrics: “Good & Gone” – Frank Turner, 2013

Not only or in fact even the early hours as such. But stillness in some way from yesterday evening and all day today. And it was good. I stayed home and didn’t see or speak to a single soul, expect replying “no problem” to the postman thanking me for buzzing him in. I also purposely stayed off any social media for ~ 24 hours. Only checked my mails once this morning, once in the afternoon. I should do that more often. Or just find a more balanced use of it all in general, but I still struggle a bit with that to be honest. At least after such a mini digital detox I tend to stay more mindful about my use for a bit and that’s something.

Yesterday and this morning I journaled a bit and will definitely go back to that once more after posting this. It does help to work through some stuff.

After weeks of feeling ‘uninspired’ or lacking motivation, I also finally picked up my doodling sketch paper. That also helps to empty / calm my anxious mind a bit.

I watched some more videos of the online photography class I had signed up (and paid) for months ago, because I plan to get back into doing that more as well. Possibly starting tomorrow during the day in Cologne with some urban / cityscape photography, before I’ll get in the queue for my 2nd show of the current Frank Turner show tomorrow evening. Well, the show will be in the evening, I’ll be in the queue in the late afternoon.

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And I’ve finished “The Atlas Paradox” and started with “The Atlas Complex”.

I enjoyed the 2nd book of the trilogy as well. I heard critical / negative things about “Complex” so I’m a bit apprehensive, but 30 pages in, I can’t complain yet. On the contrary, I’m still in awe of Blake’s writing. Her way of bringing all the characters to life with very distinctive voices. How she makes me interest / care about each and everyone of them, because everyone is just a flawed human. Well not human, medeian in this case, but still. Not inherently good or bad, but a multitude of emotions, ideas, plans and childhood trauma. I’ve mentioned it on here several times before, but I just adore her writing and I’m glad I’ve got about 450 pages ahead of me Favourite line in these 30 pages yet for some reason:

He understands that he’s on the spectrum somewhere, everyone is – that’s the point of a spectrum [….]