04.02.2021 | Lift Up the Weight of the World From Our Shoulders…

It’s Thursday evening and for the last few weeks this once again meant: It’s “Independent Venue Love” Night! A live stream from Frank Turner, just like he did back in March / April 2020. This time we had a few technological difficulties: a shared stream, because the band Pet Needs were there for a support slot (Loved them! Ordered the album and a T Shirt already) and switching back to Frank’s house after messed up the audio / video quality, so Frank had to restart the stream and all that jazz. But it still might have been one of my favourites of the 18 IVL gigs he played so far.

I loved the setlist from the middle three albums. I always love the community on the chat with all the inside jokes we have by now. “Team Mic Stand” anyone? It’s always so lovely to see Frank’s wife Jess be the amazing Jack-of- all-trades that she is: keeping an eye on the chat, while also doing the hand claps and the call and response bits the crowd usually does but obviously can’t right now. Providing the mic stand / fundraiser link and of course providing a glimpse of of the secret star of the show: Boudiecat. Who, by the way, does not seem to be a fan of her part in the evening activities. It’s been chaotic and lovely at the same time tonight.

I’m a bit tipsy right now. I blame Frank for ‘varleying’ so many songs (one of the drinking game rules) and of course “Tape Deck Heart”, where most songs fall into the “Sorry (for singing about other women), Jess” category, which is another of the drinking game rules. But it was fun as always.

Hearing Frank play his wonderful songs and to be part of the chat community, which is a good “online replica” of the real life fan / crowd community I’ve experienced at so many Frank gigs, is such a wholesome experience every Thursday. It feeds my heart and soul and it does

“Lift up the weight of the world from your shoulders
just for a moment or two”

“Glorious You” – Frank Turner, 2015

And I need this more than ever during this current situation. Thank you Frank and Jess and all the lovely people on the chat. But I honestly can’t wait to do this all with all of you in “real life” again at some point.

Next Thursday 11th February 2021 it will be one year since my last Frank gig. No idea how the live stream will make me feel then. Here’s a photo from that gig in Dortmund, supporting the Dropkick Murphys.

Frank Turner on Stage, Dortmund, 11 February 2020
Frank Turner on stage, Dortmund, 11 February 2020

03.02.21 | “When it feels like life weighs ten thousand tonnes”

Lyrics: “I Am Disappeared” – Frank Turner, 2009

I’m in absolutely weird, gloomy, lethargic mood at the moment. So many things I can blame for that. First of all: The global pandemic. The constant rain over here that’s been going on for days now. Hormones ;-). But phew, it’s exhausting. Yes, even being a sloth can be exhausting, because I’m prone to be mad at myself up for being a sloth, so I’m spending some of my limited energy on berating myself and I’m just… I don’t know. No idea if there’s a point to this post other than to just post and weakly wave to the internet world “I’m still here.. somewhere”.

On Monday I started the new My Peak Challenge Program, very enthusiastically. Yesterday I felt like I didn’t have enough time in the morning to do the 2nd workout and planned to do that in the evening instead. But then work and errands (visit with my mum) took longer and I had a Zoom date with some friends, so I didn’t. I set up everything to do it this morning instead. I got up at a reasonable time. I put on my workout clothes. I looked at the workout plan. And all of a sudden I couldn’t be bothered anymore. Or not “not bothered”. I just felt overwhelmed by all of it in that moment. And just couldn’t snap out of that feeling. It’s difficult to put it into words. For a moment I considered just heading out for a walk and some exercise instead, but … it’s still dark and it’s raining and I couldn’t be bothered with that either.

To make at least some use of my “getting up at a reasonable” hour I sat down to share my absolutely fucked up state of mind with the world. I might also do some guitar practice before I turn on the work VPN and Remote connection to my office work station.

There’s not much more to tell at the moment. Yesterday morning I listened to a song writing podcast with Frank Turner (released in November 2020), where they also talked about the “Buddies II” album and the opening line of the song “The Fleas” came up in the discussion.

I never thought that the apocalypse would be boring
I was expecting more of a bang and less of a sigh

The Fleas, Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass, 2020

So so true. For me anyway and I know I’m saying this from a very privileged position (steady office or rather work from home job, I’ve got enough money, family and friends etc). But it’s dragging me down.

Not dragging me down, but annoying the crap out of my are the glaring lights on the crane on the construction site next door, because whenever my gaze leave the computer and wanders to the left to look outside I’m “blinded by the light” at least until it get’s lighter in a few hours. I usually leave the blinds half down to black out the lights, but that’s annoying too. Have I mentioned yet that I’m in a crappy mood ;-)?

construction site next door

26.01.2021 | Lockdown Fangirl

Two years ago yesterday…. (or is it yesterday two years ago?) I was at one of my favourite Frank Turner gigs. With less than 150 people at HatWorks (museum) in Stockport. My friend Amanda had organized it, as she was working there at the time and it was absolutely fabulous. Not to mention all the perks I got as friend of the promoter. My Insta Archive was and still is full of memories from that and a few more shows of the tour that followed.

Frank at HatWorks

It’s exhausting to be reminded of how things have been pre-pandemic and to realize how sucky they are at the moment and to not despair about the not knowing when it will get better. And how it will be, when we’ve moved past this? Just typing it down makes me realize how much mental energy I spend to just *be*. And to function to some degree (do my job etc.) and to get through each week during in this pandemic. And all the time I’m well aware how privileged I’m still during this time. Psychology students of the next generation might have a field day analysing the widespread trauma (for lack of a better term right now) this pandemic has caused.

Anyway, while I was browsing old blog posts about the time two years ago (yes, I’m a masochist sometimes), I came about the “short day recap” style of post I did as “Travelling Fangirl” back then. I thought I might give that a try once more, starting today. The first day of the new “everybody work from home until further notice” directive from HR or rather “upper management”.

Sleep: 6.5 hours

Water: less than the recommended 2 litres I’m afraid.

Coffee et al.: 2.5 cups of coffee. One mug of chocolate cappuccino. One chocolate bar for dessert.

Food: Regular boring sandwich for breakfast / lunch. Tortilla wraps for supper.

Work: Quite busy. Thank God. Otherwise I would have dwelled to much on how much all of this sucks. Quite varied projects and phone calls and mails as well. Scheduling meetings. Talking to one of our consultant. Answering budget questions. Revising a press release draft. Getting more info about a new interesting project we might embark on, to mention just a few.

Listened to: Nothing really. Which is a bit weird for me. But I had to focus on work this morning and just didn’t think of turning on anything later.

Read: Work stuff. A few online news sites. A few pages of my Regency Romance. Social Media.

Watched: Old West Wing episodes (again) during breakfast and lunch and supper.

Real life people: Ran into and chatted briefly with my next door neighbour in the laundry room. Visited my mum.

Yeah… I’m not sure this is a format that will stand the test of time. Each of my following days will probably be quite similar. Ugh, this sucks so much…

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