18.04.2022 | “Before You Go Out Searching, Don’t Decide What You Will Find…” – Part II

Lyrics: Be More Kind – Frank Turner, 2018

I’ve made it to my hotel in Bremen without any trouble with lots of time till the gig tonight. I considered napping for a bit, but anxious me was too worried that I might sleep through the alarm(s). I lay down regardless, starting scrolling through my phone and for whatever fucked up reason started looking up Covid infections risk at gigs. As if I haven’t read about all of that and considered the pros and cons for months now. Stupid, stupid me, letting me drag down that negative thought spiral.

I switched to the Calm app for a meditation and that helped a bit, I think. On the drive up I listened to two podcasts which both got me thinking, in a similar line of thought like yesterday. The first one was an episode of “How To Fail with Elizabeth Day” from January 2022 and the guest was the one and only Brené Brown. I’ve heard of Brené Brown and her talks / works / books about shame and vulnerability of course, but I admit I haven’t read anything from her yet. “The Gift of Imperfection” sits on my to-read self since… forever. I should pull that out and read this year, I think. There was a lot on this talk that got me thinking about how I see other people and how I think they see me and why I should try to change both of these perceptions. Vague, I know. I can’t express it any clearer at the moment.

The 2nd podcast was a German one from last summer: “Unterwegs mit…” (translated to “Travelling with…”) where the host and the guest spent a train journey together chatting. This episode was with Cordula Stratmann, a German comedian, but also trained social worker and family counsellor. And she’s still working as the latter. I picked this one, because I thought Cordula would be an funny and interesting guest and she was. One of the topics they also touched on was: how we see other people and how we so often do that with preset ideas about those people and how we often only see what we want to see and not really see the other person. Mmmh. Guilty as charged. Twice in one day…. 🙂

Three more hours till the doors open for the gig tonight. I’m still surprisingly calm. Here’s another Frank pic from the last gig. Almost 800 days ago…

Frank Turner, Live in February 2020

17.04.2022 | “Before You Go Out Searching, Don’t Decide What You Will Find…”

Lyrics: Be More Kind – Frank Turner, 2018

When I sat down with my (first) coffee and my journal – because my head was all over the place once again – and tried to give words to some of the thoughts and emotions, I felt like I was starting to figure out something. Maybe… Or not figuring out as much as at least noticing something. I spend quite a lot of time overthinking things. Which is nothing new. But in this particular case it became so apparent. Tomorrow I’ll get in my car and drive to Bremen to see Frank Turner & the Sleeping Souls play the first show of the Europe tour at Aladin Music Hall. It’s going to be my first proper gig – indoors anyway – since February 2020. It will be the 55th time I see Frank play a show. The first time took place at the same venue in September 2013. So I’m proper emotional about it all already.

The emotions go two ways, three ways maybe even. Emotions might be the wrong word, maybe it’s more my expectations – the hopeful ones and the anxious ones. Which often seem to go hand in hand. The “daydreaming” hopefully picturing bit: how awesome it will be and how great it will feel to be back there. The anxious bit: that it might not live up to all that hype I’m building it up to be in my head. That I will come back a bit let down, because I’m going to expect too much of it.

For fucks sake, why can’t I just go to a gig and let it happen as it happens? Why do I have to enter everything with a preset and also a fall back set of expectations of how it will be and how it will make me feel? Why can’t I just be there and enjoy it for what it will turn out to be…?

I’m not sure this makes a lot of sense to anyone. Sorry. Less than 36 hours to go and here is another of my favourite Frank on stage photos. From Bremen in fact, but a different venue…

Frank Turner, Bremen, January 2016
Frank Turner, Bremen, January 2016

16.04.2022 | More Random Thoughts…

Every other night I think: you should write about this and write about that and I still rarely do. It’s not exciting stuff anyway. How could it be, there is not really anything exciting going on right now. I’ve got the next week off from work and have some exciting things planned then. Gigs. Travel abroad (not gig related though). I have no idea how my “mostly being a hermit since March 2020” brain will handle it all.

I could write about my scatterbrained mind that led to me doing extra rounds while out running errands, because I had forgotten (about) stuff. Or about my anxious self-loathing mind, which yesterday kept me going in circles about things my rational mind know shouldn’t bother me. But of course they did. I still need to entangle that current line of negative thinking and also what other (unhealthy) habits I tend to engage in to avoid dealing with any of this. Booooooooring for a blog, I know.

After quite a few days of not sleeping well or feeling constantly exhausted – last week especially unknown reasons – I’m finally back on a more even keel with that. These days I do go to bed before 10 most nights though and fall asleep right aways, so the gigs next week might be a bit of a challenge. We’ll see…

Today will be the first of a few local Green Party campaign booth for the state elections in May. I have skipped all election campaign activities for the federal election last year, when my mum was ill. So I felt obligated to chip in again this year, not the most motivated to be honest, but I’ll do it of course.

The first Easter without my mum. There will be a lot of more “firsts” coming this year. Just thinking about it makes me well up a bit. We haven’t even been so big on family get-togethers for those traditional holidays. We did meet and have lunch and cake and all that. We won’t be doing that this year. I will still see some or maybe all of my brothers at Bro3’s Easter Fire today though and a few of his friends whom I haven’t met in a while. Which will be nice, I think.

No comment from me on any global events. It all and how our politicians handle or not handle or mishandle it all, still makes me rather speechless.

Only two more sleeps until I’m back in my – hopefully still – happy place…

Frank Turner on Stage, Dortmund, 11 February 2020
Frank Turner on stage, Dortmund, 11 February 2020

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