17.07.2022 | “Stressing All The Little Stuff…”

Lyrics: “Punches” – Frank Turner, 2022

I’m back home in my familiar surroundings and as much as I enjoy the comfort and familiarity of it all again, I’m also again filled with some dread. For no apparent reason. It’s the weekend, I’ve got Monday off from work as well and I could just relax. And I do. And on the other hand I don’t. It’s quite weird.

I write sloppy to-do-lists and plan to tackle some chores. And then I don’t. Instead I do other chores not on that list, which is still good. I guess. I get vague ideas for how to entertain myself or how to spend my time and then I have a hard time picking and executing one of these ideas and I end up dawdling my day away. These days I’m so flighty in anything I do and I don’t even recall if I’ve been like that before. Or always. Like I said… All a bit weird.

For the last two days I managed to establish some kind of morning routine at least, which hopefully works better for my mental health. Let’s see how long I will be able to keep that up.

I spent the day reading, doing some laundry, reading some more, getting ice cream, spending time on the patio of the family home… The things you do on a lazy Sunday, when you don’t feel up to much more. I brought back the folder with all sorts of documents regarding various financial / admin stuff for the family home. To finally make a list of all the regular payments that need to be done and figure out how to handle those among the three of us.

My mum has been on my mind quite a bit lately and I’m not sure I’m handling it all right. Is there a right way to handle it? I don’t know. Welcome to the messed up mind of mine.

Ending this with my one of my favourite photos from the vacation by the sea…

Sunset on Ameland, July 2022
Sunset on Ameland, July 2022

14.07.2022 | Sand. And Sand. And More Sand…

One of the things I like about this island / this beach is the vast emptiness. It’s the height of summer and there are still not too many people around. Vastness. No crowds. Just what I needed right now. Sand and a strong breeze though is something to get used to 🙂

Ameland Beach Day, July 2022
Ameland Beach, July 2022

I spent yesterday afternoon down at the beach. I didn’t take the popup beach tent, because I already thought it bee too much of a hassle to put it up and back together on my own with the breeze going. And I was probably right. I don’t know. I enjoyed the time there, just resting, reading, listening to audio books. From previous outings I expected my things to be dusted / covered in sand after a while and prepared for that. I didn’t even mind my skin slowly being dusted with sand constantly been blown over to me from the left. Until I started packing my things together and for some reason got hit with quite a bit of sand in my left eye. Ouch! It probably wasn’t even that much, but holy shit, that hurt. And blinded me for a while. No matter how much I tried to wash it out it felt like grains of salt still stuck under my eyelids now almost 20 hours later. I went back to my apartment and the first thing after putting my things down, was to shower the sand on my arms and legs off me.

What else did I do? Read the various fiction / non fiction books. Went back to another part of the beach around sunset to snap a few more photos.

Sunset on Ameland, July 2022
Sunset on Ameland, July 2022

Came back to read some more. Went to bed. Perfectly lazy day. I’m glad I’m a bit over the “I’m on vacation and need to do something” dread and that I’m quite fine with just doing nothing. Today is my last day here and I guess it will go much like yesterday and that’s fine.

12.07.2022 | Losing Days

Lyrics: “Losing Days” – Frank Turner, 2013

I’m not sure if a week by the beach on my own was the right idea. The “on my own” part most of it. I’m usually fine on my own and don’t need other people to have a good time. But I think at the moment I could have benefit from someone around to get me more motivated. To give me things to do or to be. I know it’s so easy to say, just go and do things on your own and I did in London, obviously. But around here I’m a bit lost and unmotivated. It’s weird.

I was feeling a bit gloomy and grumpy yesterday evening as well, so I went to bed really early in the hopes to just sleep it off. Went to bed at 8, read till about 9. Then some weird slight underlying anxiety made me toss and turn till almost midnight. I slept in this morning, had a late breakfast. Picked up my book and alternated between reading, writing my Mincemeat review, reading, beating myself for being such a sloth, reading… you get the idea.

This evening at least I got out and off to the beach, because it looked like an nice evening. And it was. Walked along the beach for a bit, took lots of photos. Now my book and I will head of to bed again in hopes that I’m in a more active mood tomorrow.

Ameland beach at sunset, July 2022

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