11.04.2021 | “There’s a dread deep down in our bones…”

Lyrics: “The Lifeboat” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

Not much to report. Still in the same old pandemic funk. Still in lockdown, or what we call “lockdown” here in Germany. The government on all levels have still – or even further – lost the plot, but I don’t pay much attention to it anymore. I try to stay away from other people. And the news and everything. But it’s wearing me down and it’s dragging me down and it’s hard for me to notice the (small) postive things. Which I know must be there still.

Most of my time it seems I spend in fictional worlds at the moment, far away from any pandemic news or events. Watching vintage TV shows. Reading novels. So much reading. I know it’s an escape from the boring, depressing everyday life and I try my best not to feel guilty for escaping. But I need the distraction.

The last few days I tore through “The Gown” by Jennifer Robson and absolutely loved it. So much that I ordered a bunch of her other books, but they won’t get here for a while as they were not avaible on my favourite online book store and neither could my local bookshop order it. I didn’t want to use Amazon, so I ordered them for the first time from a 2nd hand bookstore online and it might take a week or two till they get here. I’m also not the most patient person at the moment. I’ve started reading a romance novel from an author I know vaguely from a book I read years ago. I’m not quite hooked yet though, but I guess I’ll trudge on until some of the other books get here. I might have a book problem 🙂

At some point in “The Gown” they visit the Tate Modern and the view of Saint Paul’s is mentioned and I thought about the many many photos I took in the vicintity of those buildings in the past few years. The story is set in London (1947 and 2016) and evoked many other travel memories as well. But I especially like this photo…

Millenium Bridge and Saint Paul's
Millenium Bridge and Saint Paul’s, January 2019

There has been a lot of progress on my LEGO Tree House as well, even though I didn’t spend all that much time with it this week, because I spent most of the time with my nose in a book. But it might keep me occupied and keep my thoughts from spiralling down the pit of negativity too much. I hope.

Next week at work will be busy again and that’s something I’m dreading as well. So much dread. (in my bones).

Sorry for the downer post, but that’s obviously where my mind is at the moment. “Better times are coming, right?”

08.04.2021 | “Be More Kind…”

Lyrics: “Be More Kind” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

These past few days I realized I desperately need to be more kind to myself. More compassionate and more forgiving. Which all in all might sound self-indulgent and self-centred, but if you’ve heard how I talk to myself (not literally, but inside my head, you know what I mean) you might agree. Ugh. I feel like I really am too hard on myself. While simultaenously thinking I really need to get a grip and stop whining. Everybody’s got problems, you know. My mind is a weird place to be in at the moment. I don’t seemed to find the balance between taking it easy and take time to just “be” while also being a functional adult with a job and all. Does that make sense?

The only times I get out of the house and see / meet other people beside my family bubble (who I don’t live with but visit daily for a few minutes) usually are trips to the supermarket and picking up food orders these days, which all in all are errands I run quickly and don’t require a lot of human interaction. Earlier this week I had to pick up my monthly prescription from my neurologist and drop by the pharmacy to pick the meds up. Ugh! Exhausting. The queue outside and inside the neurologist practice. People not wearing their mask properly. People getting a bit too much into my space and yes, I know when we need to pass each other in the hallway that’s unavoidable and those were wearing masks, so there really was no risk, but I felt uncomfortable anyway. The nurses being busy doing their job and thus needed to keep us waiting for a bit, but still… TOO many people all around me (even distanced) for too long. Add the gaggle of people – not keeping any distance – huddled in front of the door, eager to get in, when I got out. ARGH! I was tempted to write a post titled ” The truth is I don’t like people all that much”, which isn’t really in the Be More Kind spirit I try to apply to my life at the moment. But it’s hard…

A few days ago Frank Turner posted some thoughts on Twitter about how we need to re-learn how to socialize after the lockdown / pandemic and while I absolutely agree where he was coming from (I’m that socially anxious all the time), I’m afraid just getting used to being around random people will take me some time to learn again.

05.04.2021 | “The Simple Kind of Stuff…”

Lyrics: “Dan’s Song” ~ Frank Turner, 2011

My time off work is coming to an end tomorrow. In fact I might need to do something for work later today already. Poor Me. But it’s ok. For the last few days I’ve tried to stay off news about the pandemic and in general for a bit. More or less successful, but at least I didn’t feel much of the dread and rage I usually felt about how it’s going here in Germany. Didn’t feel much at all about it, so I’m not sure if apathy really is much better.

It’s nasty, windy, rainy day outside my windows, so I don’t think I’ll venture out much today. I’ll just keep reading a bit: just started “The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting”, which is off to an interesting start so far. I’ll also keep watching Outlander, now mostly while I’m building my news LEGO set: The Tree House. Sharing “Outlander” photos is basically the sole point of this post today as long as I’ve got photos to go along the TV show, which is only the case for season 1 and 2, I think.

"Lallybroch", 2016
“Lallybroch”, 2016

I’ve got lots more of that place, but it obviously was bin day for the properties next door and there is green wheelie bin in most of my photos *g*. Here it’s hiding next to the gateway.

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