22.07.2020 | “To quiet my despair…” *

Life is weird sometimes. Or should I rather say … my body’s reaction is weird sometimes? Physical or mental or both. The circumstances haven’t changed in the last 24 hours. There is still a global pandemic going on. I still have this HUGE project to work on at the office. The project with still a few big question marks re: budget and staff and such. The project with an incredible tight time line. Other tasks are still postponed more than I like. 

We had another project meeting this morning, in a very helpful, constructive, fair atmosphere. I still should have tons of things to worry about. And in a way I still do. But… at least it doesn’t feel like every fibre of my body does as well. The fight and flight mode as been mostly turned off and only came back on for tiny moments of worry occasionally. Nothing I didn’t know before. 

I have no idea what changed. I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Far from it. The night was too short, which was my own fault as I stayed up – as planned – for the Jaret & Frank chat on Instagram. It was fun to watch as usual and a long part of it towards the end made me very happy. I’m a fangirl, what can I say?

I don’t want to attribute my more relaxed state of mind solely on this though. That would be… a bit pathetic, I agree. The meditation practice helped as well, I think. And possibly even the fact that I voiced all of the ‘despair’ here yesterday.

It might just have been pre-menstrual hormones after all. Or a combination of all. I don’t care. Even though I woke up after less than five hours and half an hour before my alarm, I realized right away, that I wasn’t as tense as the last few days. And I stayed less tense all day. I don’t really care how it happened, I’m just glad that it did…

Lyrics: “Isabel”,  Frank Turner, 2011

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