On this day three years ago I saw Frank Turner play to 80 or so people in a hat museum near Manchester. I was able to watch the soundcheck and chat a tiny bit beforehand. Managed to get a photo with Frank and my two favourite gig buddies / good friends afterwards. Good times. We will get back to those times at some point, right? I have a hard time imagining it right now, but let’s keep our fingers crossed.
Frank Turner, show #2300 at Hatworks, Stockport, January 2019
This morning I picked up my prescription at the neurologist practice and had the chance to quickly discuss my option re: keeping me safe during this COVID wave. Not much really. Just like my GP he doesn’t think a 4th shot of whatever vaccine wouldn’t help much to bring my antibodies up, because my MS medication has been proven to counteract it. His advice now is to wait for the new Biontech/Pfizer vaccine which is supposed to have a bigger protection against Omikron at least. Until then: keep wearing masks, stay out of crowds, don’t mingle too much with other people. Basically: Be a hermit. Stay a hermit. Be fucked over by people who don’t care much about those many of us with so called pre-conditions.
Deep breath! It’s a good thing I’ve got two more LEGO sets to build and some grownup colouring books to colour in. Many more books to read.
But to be honest it all is dragging me down. A lot. Again.
The next song on shuffle turned out to be “Once We Were Anarchists” and from the lyric “old enough to be jaded” my monkey mind jumped to “Oh, how about a blog post about all the (lovely) English words @frankturner taught me over the years” I’m beyond help #nerd
… and today I thought it was about time to follow through.
I’ve mentioned often enough that I love the English language. That might be because it is the only language – except my native tongue – I really comprehend quite well. Even with a thorough comprehension of the language, I still learn new (to me) phrases and words all the time. Through TV shows I watch, novels or articles I read and yes, over the years quite a few through Frank’s lyrics as well. Also through some of his interviews, because let’s face it, he is one eloquent ‘public school boy’, though he might not look like it 🙂
Frank Turner – Dudelange, Luxembourg, June 2014
Here is the list of my ten favourite words Frank “has taught” me through his songs. And no, I often can’t really explain why I like this particular word more than others, so I won’t even try to. It’s a sonic thing, I think. Looking at this list it seems like I have a thing for R’s and S’s.
#10 scurrilous, adjective
definition: expressing unfair or false criticism that is likely to damage someone’s reputation
“With greed in his heart and his scurrilous claim, He took the land for his own.” (English Curse)
#09 insidious, adjective
definition: (of something unpleasant or dangerous) gradually and secretly causing harm
“Your distance insidious, As soft as a blow.” (Smiling At Strangers on Trains)
#08 scurry, verb
definition: to move quickly with small, short steps
“Now you can go down with the wreck, or you can scurry from the deck” (Out of Breath)
#07 wrought, verb
definition: (only as a past participle and in the past tense) caused something to happen
“And it seemed to be working for a couple of years; I wrote a few songs and they wrought a few tears” (Romantic Fatigue)
#06 tarry, verb
definition: to stay somewhere longer than expected
“She earned her reputation on those bitter Camden streets. If you’d tarry with the Bingham girl, you’d hold your manhood cheap” (Jinny Bingham’s Ghost)
#05 mire, noun
definition: an unpleasant situation that is difficult to escape
“[….] one who condescends To wash his hands down in the mire among the misery of men” (One Foot Before The Other)
#04 furtive, adjective
definition: done secretly and often dishonestly
“Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings, About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings” (I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous)
#03 ire, noun
definition: anger
Love, Ire & Song (song and album title)
#02 skirt, verb
definition: 1. to go around the edge of something; 2. to avoid discussing a subject or problem, usually because there are difficulties that you do not want to deal with:
“I’ve been skirting round the rim of doing something Brave, and not just standing, but jumping in” (Plain Sailing Weather)
#01 jaded, adjective
definition: not having interest or losing interest because you have experienced something too many times
“I’m young enough to be all pissed off But I’m old enough to be jaded” (Once We Were Anarchists)
[All references are from the Cambridge Dictionary, because my OALD is on the shelf at home and the online version isn’t available for free.]
I don’t quite know why one bit of this interview / podcast with Frank Turner stuck with me long after I listened to it yesterday morning on my way to work. He has been open about his mental health issues and his (former) drug use often enough before. Maybe not always as direct as he’s in this bit below, where he talks about how his addiction issues manifest themselves even today, when he hasn’t been doing hard drugs for a few years.
I had so many thoughts running through my mind when I heard that. Just like Jess my first reaction was “Really? I had no idea!”, followed by “I should have known, because that’s what I’ve read / heard / seen from former addicts. It’s a lifelong condition”. Followed by admiration / appreciation for Frank for being able to handle it now and for being so open about it. Followed by… and now we’re getting to the core of this post:
What are the ‘drugs’ I think about every hour, every day, all day, forever? I’m using drugs as a metaphor here, of course, because I don’t drink or smoke or do any kind of harder drugs. Never have. But there are so many other things – behavioural most of all – that are or can be similarly self-destructive to someone’s mental health as drugs are.
So, this morning I started a “my ‘cocaine'” list of some of my own unhelpful / self-destructive behaviour or behavioural patterns in my journal. And trust me there is a wide range of it recognizable for me, when I look at my life and activities more closely. I usually just rather tend not to, because I don’t like what I see when I do. Avoidance. I think that’s the basic theme for most of my issues. I’ll try to be more mindful of that (aka monitor it) for the next few days. But I’m afraid it’s not going to be pretty.
Anyway, thanks once again to Frank for being so open about his own mental health issues. Even if mine have different roots (possibly) and manifestations (definitely) than his, the fact that he talks about it does help. So so much!
