Back To Shore

A few days ago I tweeted this…

The next song on shuffle turned out to be “Once We Were Anarchists” and from the lyric “old enough to be jaded” my monkey mind jumped to “Oh, how about a blog post about all the (lovely) English words @frankturner taught me over the years” I’m beyond help #nerd

— Susanne D (@dennasus) December 18, 2021

… and today I thought it was about time to follow through.

I’ve mentioned often enough that I love the English language. That might be because it is the only language – except my native tongue – I really comprehend quite well. Even with a thorough comprehension of the language, I still learn new (to me) phrases and words all the time. Through TV shows I watch, novels or articles I read and yes, over the years quite a few through Frank’s lyrics as well. Also through some of his interviews, because let’s face it, he is one eloquent ‘public school boy’, though he might not look like it 🙂

Here is the list of my ten favourite words Frank “has taught” me through his songs. And no, I often can’t really explain why I like this particular word more than others, so I won’t even try to. It’s a sonic thing, I think. Looking at this list it seems like I have a thing for R’s and S’s.

#10 scurrilous, adjective

definition: expressing unfair or false criticism that is likely to damage someone’s reputation

“With greed in his heart and his scurrilous claim,
He took the land for his own.” (English Curse)

#09 insidious, adjective

definition: (of something unpleasant or dangerous) gradually and secretly causing harm

“Your distance insidious,
As soft as a blow.” (Smiling At Strangers on Trains)

#08 scurry, verb

definition: to move quickly with small, short steps

“Now you can go down with the wreck, or you can scurry from the deck” (Out of Breath)

#07 wrought, verb

definition: (only as a past participle and in the past tense) caused something to happen

“And it seemed to be working for a couple of years;
I wrote a few songs and they wrought a few tears” (Romantic Fatigue)

#06 tarry, verb

definition: to stay somewhere longer than expected

“She earned her reputation on those bitter Camden streets.
If you’d tarry with the Bingham girl, you’d hold your manhood cheap” (Jinny Bingham’s Ghost)

#05 mire, noun

definition: an unpleasant situation that is difficult to escape

“[….] one who condescends
To wash his hands down in the mire among the misery of men” (One Foot Before The Other)

#04 furtive, adjective

definition: done secretly and often dishonestly

“Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings,
About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings” (I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous)

#03 ire, noun

definition: anger

Love, Ire & Song (song and album title)

#02 skirt, verb

definition: 1. to go around the edge of something; 2. to avoid discussing a subject or problem, usually because there are difficulties that you do not want to deal with:

“I’ve been skirting round the rim of doing something
Brave, and not just standing, but jumping in” (Plain Sailing Weather)

#01 jaded, adjective

definition: not having interest or losing interest because you have experienced something too many times

“I’m young enough to be all pissed off
But I’m old enough to be jaded” (Once We Were Anarchists)

[All references are from the Cambridge Dictionary, because my OALD is on the shelf at home and the online version isn’t available for free.]

Lyrics: “Dan’s Song” ~ Frank Turner, 2009

A few days ago I upgraded my camera kit. I had vaguely thought about it for a while and also had reached a “you need to do something” state of my mind. I’m rather impulsive when I get to this point, because those “do something” projects are also clearly some kind of distraction from whatever gloomy place my mind had went to at that point. Remember the “buying a guitar” last year? Ehm, I really should get back to trying to learn to play that. It’s gathering dust in the corner of my living room.

But anyway, I decided to buy the camera and I also knew I wanted to spend the weekend playing around with it. I decided on a mini break and the chance to try out the new camera outside of my usual setting. I also thought that a change of scenery might help me to unwind a bit more. Not be distracted by Netflix on my TV or any book lying around. But also not get dragged into another cycle of self-loathing in my familiar setting where every corner reminds me of the things I should/could be doing instead of staying on my couch in some sort of lethargy. My mind is a mess sometimes.

Long story short: I booked myself into a 4 stars hotel in Düsseldorf Media harbour. To be able to snap lots of interesting photos around there on the Saturday. And to possibly just have some time to be more introspective with nothing distracting me. No personal clutter and all that. I didn’t do too much introspection, but that’s fine. I was out and about snapping a lot of pictures. I napped. I went to bed early. I had two extensive breakfasts….

I loved it. I should do things like that more often especially as I haven’t really been on a proper relaxing vacation since… long before the pandemic really. I’ve been to the sea for a a week each in September 2020 and in July 2021. But that’s not enough.

Here are some of my photos. I forgot to bring my tripod, so the night photography turned out quite blurry. I need to re-read more about the settings for that and all.

There were quite a few cute Peanuts images at the arches on the riverbank…

Some closeups of the Gehry Buildings…

Here is the end of the day companion piece to the sunrise photo from above….

A view of the the media harbour, the colourful building is the hotel I was booked in.

Ending it with a blurry one…. But so much potential with better camera settings and a tripod.

Lyrics: “Pass It Along” ~ Frank Turner, 2011

8 years ago today I was channel surfing, came across the end of this feed & fell head over heels in (musical) love. “Happy @frankturner -versary to me”, I guess. I hope I’ll be in the right mindset for attending gigs (crowds, indoors) some time again… https://t.co/hs6nIMR2BU

— Susanne D (@dennasus) June 22, 2021

On my old blog I wrote tons of post about why and in how many wonderful ways that has changed my life. I think it’s time to bring a bit of the fangirling vibe to this space as well 🙂 And to be honest I just can’t bring myself to write another boring and repetitive post about how busy and borderline stressful my life is right now and how anxious many things make me at the moment and all that.

~ ~ ~

Let’s focus on something positive for a change and pick 8 Frank Turner songs that moved and still move me so profoundly and make me feel so many different things and make me feel them so deeply. Not necessarily my favourite songs, because that is a fluid list and depends on moods and situations and all. But there are certain songs that just make me feel. Either because I can relate so well to what the song is about and for a first time there were these words for those messy and complicated emotions and thoughts. Or even if I can’t relate to what the song ist about, Frank still manages to make me feel all the feels just through his words and music.

To be fair, even this list might change over time and half a year from now I might pick different songs? Who know? I mean earlier today when I was tweaking this post, Frank posted a reminder for “The Gathering” shows and of course this song should be on this list. But I never really sat down yet and gathered my thoughts about it and this post was basically done. So, counting down…

#08: Pass It Along

This song kind of snuck up on me, because I wasn’t such a big fan early on. But at some point some lines of this one made perfect sense to me as it sums up what Frank’s music means to me. And the way he sings it and I usually sing along to (if I sing along, in the car etc) is a good way to let of some steam as well 🙂

Sing till you sweat for the spirit of the age,
Sing life to lines that are dead on the page,
Sing for your sorrow your wisdom, your rage, sing out.
Sing for the records you played til they broke,
For the parts where you insisted that nobody spoke.
Sing for the words that you knew but they still make you choke.

#07: The Lifeboat

The scope of instrumentation here is what gets to me. Frank has written similar folk songs before, but this one still has a different feel to me. I love how the sound evolves from simple guitar picking to the full crescendo of violin and cello and trumpet. Add the sombre, but at the same time hopeful words and I’m just moved by it.

#06: The Graveyard of the Outcast Dead

Beautiful lyrics, performed with so much emotion. Once more I love the scope of instrumentation: acoustic guitar, mandolin, percussion, cello, piano and I’m in awe of how the sound grows and grows with each added instrument till it just blows you away in the finale. I’m an absolute sucker for those kind of songs. With a sad story too. Also… what a amazing unique way to teach us some history.

#05: Anymore

I do like this song a lot. Which might make me seem a bit fucked up, I know, because after all it’s the honest and outspoken and thus kind of heartbreaking story of how and why Frank broke up with his girlfriend. Frank himself once called it an “unkind” song and he doesn’t play it live very often. But what I find fascinating is, that the emotional ramifications of his actions and decision come across very well here. He is sorry about it and he feels sad. And he ends it anyway, because he has to. I guess, I probably can only like this song, because I’m not one of the two people involved. Autobiographical aspects and emotions aside, it is a beautiful song; melody and lyric wise and I’m a big fan of those.

And we’ve met this sorry end from a picture perfect start,
The romance and the running down to disconnected hearts
Of two people sad and free, who know they used to be
More than just a pair of sinking ships.

#04: I Believed You William Blake

I didn’t know anything about Blake or his wife before Frank released this song. Nor did I care to be honest. But I just love everything about this song. The music. The arrangement. The lyrics. The way Frank puts so much emotion into his singing, making the desperate pleading to William and the rage against the world quite palpable to me. The way Frank sings the following lines always get to me…

That you won’t leave me when you leave
This world that didn’t believe
Be a comfort to your wife….

And while all the elements – melody, arrangement, lyrics, performance – are beautiful in their own right, they complete each other in such a way that they create an incredibly beautiful…. perfect piece of music.

#03: Get Better

I think that was the first new song I heard him play in the early days (gig no. 7 of so far 54) and what a great song it was and still is. It resonated so much with me and I needed to hear these words at that time in my life. To be honest, and that might be a bit pathetic, 7 years in, I still do. Not as much as I might have back then, because things did change and I do have a different perspective on some things and I try to be less negative about myself and take better care of myself, mentally and physically. The pandemic was a setback for me though, when it comes to floundering, self-doubting, feeling anxious. But that’s no surprise, is it? Thinking about this song is a good reminder to turn up the volume and dance and sing along and feel…

Better.
Understood.
Not Alone (because I’m reminded of all the people looking out for me).
More at peace with myself.
Stronger.
Happy (because in the end it’s just an incredibly awesome tune).

Randomly here is my favourite photo from that gig.

#02: Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

You’re not as messed up as you think you are:
Your self-absorption makes you messier.
Just settle down and you will feel a whole lot better.
Deep down you’re just like everybody else.

This has been and still is such an important song for me. In fact, when I started listening to all the Frank music that was available, when I came across him this probably was one of the first songs I could relate to on such a personal level that it was scaring me a bit. Because how could some guy in England have the perfect words to describe how I felt and the perfect words to remind me what I should and have to do to make me not feel that way? Motivational Frank at his best. This song probably has also been the first one to make me realize that Frank himself might not be so different from me. From all of us. I never ever felt this way about any other singer / songwriter before.

#01: Tell Tale Sign

I can’t really relate to the situation or the relationship this song is about, but from early on this song absolutely blew me away. And still does. During the NML Tour in 2019 at the first of the London shows (Saturday), when after the opening chords the whole theatre so loudly joined in with “God Damn it Amy…” Wow! I admit I cried a little…

It’s one of my all time favourites, because it’s so emotional. And raw. And personal. This song was definitely one of the reasons I fell so head over heels for Frank as a singer / songwriter / artist, because all these emotions come across so well. Another reason why this song is so special to me is, that for probably the first time in my life, I heard lyrics which resonated with me soooo profoundly, that it just absolutely blew my mind.

When I thought that suffering was something profound,
That weighed down on wise heads,
And not just something to be avoided,
Something normal people dread.

Because as a teenage girl and even later on in life: Been there, done that! Lack of self-esteem. Self-doubt. Feeling stupid. Feeling unworthy. All that crap. And in a sick and twisted way finding comfort in believing that maybe I was supposed to feel that way. Maybe feeling miserable and being able to endure feeling miserable was what I was supposed to be. Pretty messed up? Yep. That was me. In parts probably still is. But.. hey, so is Frank. In his own way and he still always finds the right words to sing about it.

~ ~ ~

I thought he had covered all the messy emotions by now and that he will rather write songs about the state of the world. But then he did the IVL shows on YouTube and played new songs like “Fatherless”. Which takes the “moving me profoundly” to a whole new level. Even eight years in. More on that though, once that song is properly released next year.

The more I think about this 8 of thing, maybe I shall do 8 favourite lyrics, 8 favourite pics, 8 favourite gigs posts as well… If I can be bothered with it later this week / months. Stay tuned…