Lyrics “Somewhere Inbetween” – Frank Turner, 2024
When after my 2nd Frank Turner gig this week I sat in my car last night, I was all fired up to share how hard “Somewhere Inbetween” had hit me at this gig and why. To share some personal insight into my messed up mind. To draw parallels, but also share my own current interpretation of these lyrics and all that. Pour my heart out onto this blog so to speak. This morning though I remembered that I didn’t want to share too detailed personal stuff on here anymore. So first thing in the morning I poured (some of) out on paper for my eyes only to avoid being too personal on here again. Anyway, let’s just say that
- all my activities before the gig
- the people I talked to / spend time with at the gig
- the gig itself
- and also an unrelated to the gig mail I read when I got home and how I reacted to that
yesterday can be seen as good way markers of where I am in my “mental health journey”.
In a lot of ways I’m still full of self-doubt. I’m often still unable or unwilling to stand up for myself. Unable or unwilling to take up space. If people have a different opinion than me on whatever issue, I’m still too often unable to just be ok with that. Unable to still consider my own opinion a valid one, even if I don’t openly say so in that moment. Does that make sense to anyone? When others around me are stating opinions, I don’t agree with, I still quite often question if I’m even allowed to have my own different opinions and my own values. My internal monologue then turns this weird mix of defensive, but also rather self-derogative.
“a fake, a foundling fraudster on the take, a huckster hustling half his name [….]
who didn’t know how to feel, but could instinctively pretend, put on a show
[….]
Something isn’t right, something isn’t working.
No one on my side, no sense of where I’m standing.”
Yes I know I’m re-mixing lyrics here. I don’t care.
Having laid out all those things I’m still struggling with though, I do have to acknowledge that I’m also doing better in at least noticing these patterns. Better in talking myself off the ledge. Better in allowing myself to take up space and if even just internally (for the moment) allow myself to disagree with someone and accepting the validity my own position. Or even go further and disagree with some for real! The aforementioned mail thing for instance, where I felt the need to reply in the middle of the night. Not the sanest decision maybe, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. Hence I only went to bed around 4 AM. A good thing I’ve booked the day off.
Like I said, “Somewhere Inbetween” hit me quite hard last night. And it hits hard to begin with to see Frank perform this one the way he does. But as I’ve said on here again and again and again: his willingness to be so open about his inner struggles and to put his struggles into words and to share those with us – on the record and live on stage – was, what got me hooked on his music in the first place. And it is what keeps me going to gig after gig after gig. “A form of public therapy” to quote the man himself. (He said that in a slightly different context, but it’s valid for this as well, I’d say.)
I had set out to not take all that many photos this time. Alas, I ended up with about 70. I’m beyond help. I narrowed it down to and edited 18 of those. Here are my favourites, some more at a different time (or over time on Instagram)
