152/2024 – “God Dammit Amy, Well of Course I’ve Changed”

Lyrics: Tell Tale Sign” – Frank Turner, 2013

From Wednesday evening till this morning I had booked myself in a hotel in Cologne, which isn’t that far away from where I live. Why? Because I felt like I needed a change of scenery for a little while and I had planned to attend a gig in Cologne on Wednesday night. Pet Needs at Blue Shell and it was lots of fun.

Photo of guitarist George Marriott of Pet Needs
George Marriott (Pet Needs)
Photo of lead singer Johnny from Pet Needs
Johnny Marriott (Pet Needs)

Yesterday was a public holiday in Germany and for today I had planned to do some clothes shopping in Cologne today. Spoiler alert: I tried, but like last week I was not successful. Being a larger than “normal” size sucks.

The main reason for that change of scenery though was in fact, that I really wanted to spent some time without distractions and being at home offers too many of those in a good and a bad way. In the good way of there being enough entertainment or things to do. In the bad that I often feel like I should be doing certain things (chores and such) and then feel bad when I don’t.

Earlier this week I had started to limit the time I spent on social media on my phone by using certain limiting settings. For these 3 days away I had actually deleted social media from my phone and tried to not check my mails or at least don’t actually read any, just make sure that I’d be able to react if there was anything super important. There wasn’t. So it basically was a tiny digital detox and I hope this experience will help me to spend less time on social media than I used to.

I didn’t read as much of the assorted newspapers I had brought, but instead a lot of my current read “The Guncle” which is equally funny and profound. As this kind of mixture this was a bit of pleasant surprise, as I expected it to be more shallow, which also would have been fine.

I also spent some time thinking about this space here: my little corner of the internet. How I have used it in the past and how I don’t want to continue filling it with similar stuff in the future. I had a few almost existential thoughts about it all, like who am I here and elsewhere? Which role do I play around which people ? Most of the folks in my real life have no idea that I have been sharing personal stuff – insignificant but also more serious private issues – online for anyone to see for decades now. I assume some/many/all of those people might be possibly appalled, probably confused and definitely questioning why? And you know what: I wouldn’t have a good answer anymore. I don’t know why I filled this space with all those words for so many years. Like I said: A bit existential.

Yesterday I looked into how easy or difficult it would be to move a WordPress site with all its content to a different online space. It turns out not that difficult. In fact I did that twice once I got home today. All the content of my old blog (2008 – 2020) and of this one (since 2020) are now archived password protected at a different space on my server. I’m in the process of deleting most of the old posts here now. There won’t be too much left from the past four years, I guess. It’s not just the insignificance of my rambling which in hindsight makes me question why I did write all this down. But also the fact that I often enough mentioned / wrote about other people in my life. Often in a vague – anonymous – kind of way, but still without their consent. And because I can’t be bothered to edit that out of old posts, I’m in the process of deleting most of them.

I will keep some of what I wrote here since I started this in 2020. And I will continue to post something, I think. Reviews. My thoughts on social / global / political issues. Definitely less running commentary of my every day life. Hopefully something more profound and thought through. Probably less personal and definitely without mentioning other people in my life, because that doesn’t feel right anymore. And if I continue filling this space here with some kind of content it does have to feel right, doesn’t it? Let’s see how it goes.

The one thing I managed to shop in Cologne today was a new fountain pen. After decades of only writing with a biro, ball point of fine liner, I started using fountain pens a few months ago. I ditched the fountain pen in middle school, I think, once we weren’t obligated to use it for our work anymore? I don’t really remember, it’s been so long ago. For a long time afterwards I then thought it’d be easier to write with a biro or I possibly was too worried my writing would look even messier with a fountain pen. Why on earth did I think that? Because it definitely doesn’t.

The one (or two to be honest) fountain pens I bought a few months ago were regular / cheaper ones from known, but not “big name” stationary stores. By now I wanted to upgrade, but not pay a fortune for something like Mont Blanc. Though I know me and I might at some point soon still splurge a bit. because online I found sort of a niche brand and I had looked up stores in Cologne where I might try one out and possibly buy . And I did. For about 28€, which isn’t too expensive. I think I like it, especially as it’s a bit unique. They have a variety of different ones as well and online I already fell in love with one that costs a bit more. We’ll see.

Kaweco fountain pen capped
Kaweco fountain pen capped
Kaweco fountain pen uncapped
Ready to write

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