I’m still finding my way around here. Still looking for a different layout theme. I don’t know. I had a sort of recap of the last days post finished last night and still didn’t post it, because I thought who the fuck cares about the minituae of my day? Neither do I want to bore you with how some of the things Frank Turner mentions on a podcast still gets me thinking, because I’m afraid that might make me look like a rabid fangirl. (Which I am, so I should own up to it. Some other time maybe.)

I don’t want to post about COVID-19 and how it changed everything too much here either, but it’s been on my mind a lot more recently, even though I’ve sort of slipped back into some kind of normalacy after months of being and feeling off-kilter and paralysed. The past two weeks I’ve been alternatively working from home and working at the office, been to council meetings and party assemblies, all carried out according to distancing etc guidelines and such. I’ve been to IKEA for crying out loud. It’s a new normal and I obviously made my some peace with that.

And then out of the blue there are these fleeting moments, when I realize it’s still going to be “not normal” for a long while and I’m reminded of all the things I miss. And it takes some effort to not start crying or despairing. All over again. Moments like

• Reading about or see ficitional people hug family and friends or cuddle with small children and just be affectionate with each other.
• Thinking about having lunch or dinner out (during / after) a long day at work, but as I try to minimize the time indoors with people I don’t know and not knowing how serious restaurants etc. abide to the COVID regulations, having pizza delivered in the evening is the only option.
• Reading a line in a novel about how Lake Michigian is to cold to dip into at that time of year, which made me remember all the lochs in Scotland for whatever reason
• Sorting through a drawer and coming across my Oyster card for trips to London
• Seeing that the same drawer holds the earplugs I use at gigs…

And so many more tiny things to be reminded that this is not normal. And won’t be for a while… *sigh*

Daily Media Digest

Watched: some vintage Gilmore Girls. while I eat | The remaining episodes of “Never Have I Ever” | Hamilton on Disney +

Listened to: The end of the Pod Punk Podcast with Frank Turner | All of Frank Turner’s “Be More Kind” (just because I felt like it) | The “When in Yorkshire” podcast episode with Jess Guise.

Read: Many chapters of “The Most Fun We Ever Had”

Positivity 2020

Making tentative plans with friends ★ Icecream for tea. ★ “The Most Fun We Ever Had” (about half way through and blown away more and more)

Two more long days at work. Sort of busy, but also sort of dawdling and not as productive as I could / should have been. Yes, the thunderstorm-y weather and the change in atmosphere (I guess) that comes with it, didn’t help either.

Yesterday I lay down for a nap of sorts, just to have the alarm set for 10 pm to watch “Back To The Metal” – Frank Turner chat with Jaret Reddick on Instagram, like I did for the last three months. Not a sensible plan, because I actually slept and I need the sleep. That’s why I’m off to bed after typing this quick post as well.

Also yesterday on my way to work and back I listened to Frank on a podcast (too lazy to look it up and link it now), where he talked a lot about his mental health issues and self destructive behaviour in form of self harm (as a teen), substance abuse as a grown up. And so much of what he touched on felt so familiar. Not in a substance abuse / addiction kind of way, butself destruction comes in so many shapes. I know very well what my ‘wrong’ behaviours are, but I still can’t stop myself. And it might not be harmful in a physical way (as drugs and alcohol are), but I know it’s unhealthy in other ways. And still… *sigh*

There is definitely stuff to think about in the next few days. I’ve officially got days off from work from next Monday till the Tuesday after. Yay! I will have to work a little bit from home still (making up for all the dawdling I did these past few days), but besides that I have a few tentative plans. Pracitcal ones like new book shelves. Sorting through the mess of my apartement. More introspective ones like having a proper look at why I act / react the way I do. Vague, I know. But I still haven’t quite found the right words yet.

Positivity 2020

Vacation is signed off ★ Being able to afford to buy books in bulk (on a whim) ★ 

Hah! In the last minute of the day – sort of – Frank Turner provided me with a fitting lyric for this post after all. He did the Disney Set, long announced (and also being badgered about quite a bit, I think) on Instagram this evening. Lovely 15 minutes of a few classic songs and lots of laughter.

I’ve been rather busy all day, working from home. Team meeting via conference call. Bits and pieces to tie up in one project. Meetings to set up for after the summer break. Trying to get as much done and coordinated and confirmed before my supervisor takes time off (and so will I next week, hopefully). 

I used the lunch break to run some errands in the vain hope that maybe at that time of day there are less people around. And it was true for the shops mostly, but not on the street. Woah. I guess every family who couldn’t go on holiday and are doing a ‘staycation’ were out and about today. Plus the regular business and delivery traffic. I’m stil not used to all those people again, even if they are all sitting in their cars.

Really not much more to say. But that’s ok… I think I’ll keep the Digest format for a weekly thing. Still trying to figure this all out here.

Positivity 2020

Fixed t he date for a workshop (kind of) thing at work after the summer break ★ The mayoral candidate campaign I’m involved in is coming together nicely ★ Frank Turner singing classic Disney songs 🙂

No pic of the day, but one from May 2019, St. Andrews beach in Scotland