Back To Shore

Lyrics: “Reasons Not to Be an Idiot” ~ Frank Turner, 2008

Nothing new to write about. I try to stay off the news most of the time these days, because whatever is reported there is just dragging me down. Well aware that not really having to care about the news all the time, shows my priviledge. I have a steady job, that can be done from home. I don’t have to ask myself if I want or have to send my children to school or daycare. Noone of my extended family or circle of friends caught COVID yet. So I allow myself to tune out most of the times these days. In general used to be very interested in what’s going on in my country and the world and in politics and all that. Right now it just frustrates me and that scares me a little bit. But I’m repeating myself I’m afraid. I’m just so tired of it all…

“Tired” is the perfect cue: I didn’t suffer big side effects from my vaccination on Thursday. Yes the arm felt a bit sore for two days. But no headaches or such, just bonedeep exhaustion on Thursday evening. I slept like a log and still was a bit out of on Friday and also took it easy this weekend. Still feeling a bit sluggish, though that might be caused by my period, which set in yesterday. I don’t know. It might also be the general pandemic fatigue, in mind and body.

Last night I went to bed around 8, but read for quite a long while. When I turned the lights off around 10 all of a sudden my mind started whirring with anxious thoughts about work and such. To the extend that I got out of bed, sat down at my desk and wrote a list and journalled for a bit. The more I do it the more I realize my handwriting got really really sloppy. Every once in a while I considered doing a writing meditation ‘thing’, where you just copy certain phrases over and over -mostly about self compassion and kindness and all. I can’t find a good link for that at the moment. Anyway, I thought I could do that and also practice my hand writing a bit, because I’d write slower and more focused and such. That’s the point, right? So I tried that last night and as I didn’t find any good prompts to just copy down I turned to the wonderful, meaningful, soothing words of Frank Turner once again. And it did calm me down as funny as that might sound.

I did that once again this morning and decided to maybe keep it up for a bit. At least put the set of notebooks which were a merch item at the Be More Kind run in 2018 to good use. And there are more than enough meaningful (to me) lyrics I can copy down 🙂

The impulse is to be negative on myself and this blog right now as in “how boring!” but… that’s my life at the moment and I assume most of all of your lives. It is what it is.

I still could try to be a bit more focused and less dawdly (is that a word?) in my days. I know. I’m working on that…

Lyrics: “Peggy Sang The Blues” ~ Frank Turner, 2011

Still in a funk in general. Because of too much to worry about at work. Because of the ineptitude of German goverment on any level. Because I’m sure it will get much worse here, before it will get better. And that’s scary. But I also have some good news….

I’ve gotten my first jab of vaccine against COVID! Which is such a relief! I have to say I wasn’t too worried about getting it yet, because I’m really taking care of mostly isolating and wearing a mask etc etc. My precondition – Multiple Sclerosis and the meds I’m taking – might make me a bigger risk for severe case, if I’d ever catch it. Possibly. There is so much we still don’t know how COVID affects people in general and with preconditions in particular.

Anyway… Our German vaccination policy / regulation puts MS patients in priority group 3. After the really old people, and staff in health services and teachers and cancer patients and medium old people and so forth. The way the vaccination is rolled out here, for the longest time it wasn’t clear what that meant scheduling and organizing wise. Vaccination started here in January with doctors and nurses going into care homes and after that the first group (80+ etc) were asked to book appointments and designated vaccination centres. One in each county and you can only register and get vaccinatetd in the county where you reside. And hope your county got a fair share of vaccine doses. But that is a whole other thing, I’m not going into at the moment.

In early March our vaccination centre put on a website where people with preconditions could register easily, which was a good first step, because at least they could get an overview of how many people there might be in group 2 and 3. I don’t know how many actually registered, I definitely. And was informed via email, that I needed to wait and they’d get in touch. In late March that registration page was taken offline, because from April 6th onwards, GPs were supposed to vaccinate their patients with preconditions and any eldery patient who hasn’t registered with a centre and so forth. All the while it was clear that the GPs wouldn’t be getting many doses to start with. I hadn’t heard anything back from the vaccinations centre by that point and the latest press release had stated that they had been working through the 1.700 cases of registered people with the additional Biontec / Pfizer they had gotten a few days before and that everyone else with preconditions need to get in touch with their GP. Ok, I thought and expected to get a call from my GP at some point in May or later.

Two days ago I got a call from the vaccination centre, offering me a vaccination for this afternoon. Woooohooo. Of course I accepted and that’s where I went this afternoon. And got jabbed! The anxious mess that I am, was still worried that something might go wrong, so I hadn’t mentioned it publicly yet. Maybe I wrote the date down wrong? Maybe they messed it up on their part? Maybe it was all a big mix up? Maybe they wouldn’t find any note of my name in their scheduling, because I didn’t have anything in writing? All that kind of stuff.

I got there with a big bunch of nerves, not helped by the traffic jam, caused by a construction site nearby. When I entered the centre, the guy who checked off the names and times on a list… of course didn’t have my name on it! Oh no! But it turned out that another guy had another updated list with a dozen or so names on. Obviously those who have been on the registered for medical reason list and not the regular – eligible because of age / job – list. Phew!

The rest was kind of a blur, I got a few files to read and fill out (thankfully I knew what they said, because I had seen those when my mum got her jabs weeks ago) and before I could fill out the first one, I was already called to proceed. It was all done very efficiently and ran smoothly. Waiting for 15 minutes to see if there were immediate side effects, get the date for the 2nd jab (end of May), sign out and done. Less than 30 minutes all in all.

I had planned to make a few jokes now about the microchip and all that, but I can’t be bothered right now. I’m just so glad and relieved I’m one step closer to putting this whole mess behind me. Selfish thought, maybe, but I don’t care. Real side effects so far, 3.5 hours in? The injection site feels a bit sore. I am also kind of tired and I’m not sure if that’s the regular end of the week fatigue or the vaccine. Right now I tend to think it’s the vaccine 🙂 I’ll definitely be off to be soon. Sleeping tight, I hope.

Lyrics: “The Lifeboat” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

Not much to report. Still in the same old pandemic funk. Still in lockdown, or what we call “lockdown” here in Germany. The government on all levels have still – or even further – lost the plot, but I don’t pay much attention to it anymore. I try to stay away from other people. And the news and everything. But it’s wearing me down and it’s dragging me down and it’s hard for me to notice the (small) postive things. Which I know must be there still.

Most of my time it seems I spend in fictional worlds at the moment, far away from any pandemic news or events. Watching vintage TV shows. Reading novels. So much reading. I know it’s an escape from the boring, depressing everyday life and I try my best not to feel guilty for escaping. But I need the distraction.

The last few days I tore through “The Gown” by Jennifer Robson and absolutely loved it. So much that I ordered a bunch of her other books, but they won’t get here for a while as they were not avaible on my favourite online book store and neither could my local bookshop order it. I didn’t want to use Amazon, so I ordered them for the first time from a 2nd hand bookstore online and it might take a week or two till they get here. I’m also not the most patient person at the moment. I’ve started reading a romance novel from an author I know vaguely from a book I read years ago. I’m not quite hooked yet though, but I guess I’ll trudge on until some of the other books get here. I might have a book problem 🙂

At some point in “The Gown” they visit the Tate Modern and the view of Saint Paul’s is mentioned and I thought about the many many photos I took in the vicintity of those buildings in the past few years. The story is set in London (1947 and 2016) and evoked many other travel memories as well. But I especially like this photo…

There has been a lot of progress on my LEGO Tree House as well, even though I didn’t spend all that much time with it this week, because I spent most of the time with my nose in a book. But it might keep me occupied and keep my thoughts from spiralling down the pit of negativity too much. I hope.

Next week at work will be busy again and that’s something I’m dreading as well. So much dread. (in my bones).

Sorry for the downer post, but that’s obviously where my mind is at the moment. “Better times are coming, right?”