Back To Shore

One of these days I might write more substantial reviews / remarks on the books I’ve read. Today is obviously not that day. Nonetheless here are my short remarks (same as on my Storygraph) on the August collection. As always in order of my favourite down to the one I basically half skimmed through in the end.

Tausend Zeilen Lüge: Das System Relotius und der deutsche Journalismus, Juan Moreno, 2019
A German book about the huge scandal at SPIEGEL magazine a few years ago, when it turned out that their star reporter had faked almost everyone of his stories. This is the report of the free lance journalist, who uncovered it and it was such a great read.

Falling in Love Montage, Ciara Smyth, 2020
This was a lovely sapphic love story of two teenage girls in Ireland. Some of the background story felt a bit too constructed, but all in all I enjoyed it. I definitely cried more than I expected.

Unwell Women: A Journey Through Medicine and Myth in a Man-Made World, Elinor Cleghorn 2021
This was such an important book and very informative for anyone interested in women’s rights issues and also health and history. Sometimes it felt a bit too detailed and thus it took me a while to get through it, but maybe that’s just me.

The Connellys of County Down, Tracey Lange, 2023
I was a bit let down by this story to be honest. I enjoyed Lange’s debut “We Are the Brennans” (which locations make sort of a cameo here, which was a nice wink) and there were parts in this one that I enjoyed as well. I liked Tara and Conor and Tara and her “gamer boy” bosses and some other stuff. Geraldine’s tendency to avoid difficult things felt a bit too close to home for me, which isn’t necessarily in a bad thing to take away from a novel. Some of the siblings dynamic I could relate to and most of them made sense knowing their backstory. All in all I still didn’t really connect with either of the characters and I couldn’t bring myself to care all that much. I guess that’s why the truth about the crime Tara went to prison for caught me by surprise.

My main problem with the main plot was that Brian’s behaviour was soooo unprofessional. From the start of the story. From way before the start of the story as it turned out later. So many no-gos. I guess that’s also what kept me from being invested in their relationship.

With the Fire on High, Elizabeth Acvedo, 2019
This was a bit different young adult novel than I usually read them, as the main character has a 2 yo daughter. I sort of enjoyed following her through her senior year at school and find out what she wants to do with her life after graduation. Neither the plot nor the characters had me really hooked though. It was fine.

Wahala, Nikki May, 2022
This did not go the way I expected it to and the final revelation of the plot sort of ruined it for me. I just thought it was unrealistic that someone is as sociopathic as this person. But maybe I’m naive. I sort of liked getting a glimpse in a different – from my own – culture of bi-racial (Nigerian / British) women. The lives as such was the same as many mid-30 women in London and I sort of enjoyed that, but the plot as such dragged on a bit. As mentioned above the end kind of mostly ruined it for me. Bummer.

Totally Folked, Penny Reid, 2021
I had bought this as ebook years ago and thought maybe it’s easy reading enough for my state of mind right now. And it was. It started out a bit too smutty for my taste to be honest. I didn’t really connect with either of the main characters and they plot dragged on for a long time IMHO. Maybe just not the right setting / plot for me after all.

When Stars Collide, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, 2021
I remember that I liked many of the previous books in this series, so this latest one was on my list for a long time. Sadly, I was quite underwhelmed by this plot. Too many false friends and intrigue and the last bit so far fetched. Neither did I really buy into the attraction between these two. I skimmed through the last third or more just to get it over with.

Lyrics: “Little Life” – Frank Turner, 2022

At the time I’m starting to type this I’ve been by the sea for about 30 hours in total. “By the sea” as in arrived at the apartment complex I’m staying in for the next few days. Not 30 actual hours on the beach. That have been only 3-4 hours yesterday and about 2 hours today. I’m still feeling rather relaxed and less anxious already.

Sort of randomly picked photo from today, to lighten the mood before the next – slightly heavier – paragraphs.

What do I have to be anxious about here, you might wonder? Or if not properly anxious, still pondering on? The annoying cold I mentioned in my last post? Turned out to be COVID after all. I took a third test on Thursday even though I wasn’t feeling any worse and to be honest I did not expect the 2nd line to appear. It was more a “double check and re-assure myself that everything is fine” test. The next one on Friday stayed positive. My symptoms were still mild and by now (Saturday) are mostly gone. On Thursday I was still fretting a bit if it would be a good idea to go on vacation while COVID positive. I wasn’t really worried I might get worse far away from home. I was a bit worried though about exposing others to it. But that’s what masks and keeping a distance are for, right? I don’t have to reiterate the lack of any kind of restrictions for mild COVID cases. So I donned a mask during all my groceries shopping for this trip. Whenever I was in closer contact indoors with other people. Even outdoors on the upper deck of the ferry. Whenever I step into the elevator here. I sent a mail to the hair saloon, where I had my hair cut on Wednesday to let them now that I might have been infectious. I still have no idea where I caught it. It might have been my coworker who was out with it from last weekend, but I hadn’t seem them since Wednesday and I thought the incubation period didn’t match up. But maybe it did.

No point now in fretting about where I caught it. Neither is there a point in worrying what this third infection for me by now might mean down the road. My anxious mind checked in with itself and noticed that I’m not spiralling down a well of worries about what it might mean for my long-time health. Or even just short-term, because the risk of something like Long COVID gets bigger with each time you catch it, doesn’t it?

Right now I’m mostly worried about not being worried enough.

I never said my mind makes a lot of sense. On the contrary. But I did indeed spent some time trying to figure out why I’m not as worried as I expected myself to be. During the height of the pandemic in 2020-2022 I was soooo anxious about it all due to my underlying health issues. Even when I got it the first time in October 2022, I was quite cautious and worried after and had a proper cardio check-up at my GP after six months to make sure there wasn’t any undetected issues. At the 2nd time I was off work sick for a few days, but mostly as a precaution and because I had a nasty cough. I wasn’t too worried over long lasting effects then. This time I’ve gone on vacation.

My perspective on it all has changed so much and for some reason I would have expected to either be more aware of those changes or to have a harder time getting my mind around those changes. On the other hand I should be grateful that I’m not an anxious mess about it.

There is more than enough other stuff to worry about, right? I’m kidding. Mostly. I’ve recently saw a recommendation for “Don’t Feed the Monkey-Mind”, bought it, brought it with me on this trip to read / work through it.

This is on the first few pages and I already felt so seen. Noticing and working on it is a first step, right?

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I haven’t done all that much yet in the aforementioned 30 hours. I’m sensible enough to pace myself and not try to do every relaxing thing I want to do in the first 48 hours. But I’ve listened to podcasts. I read. I slept (not well enough, but that’s the first-night-in-an-unfamiliar-bed effect). I read some more. I started over with an online photography class. I edited some photos. I had a walk. I took photos of the waves. I listened to some music. I managed to stay offline to some extent. I hope I can keep that up. Off to bed now and probably not back to write another post for a few days. There isn’t going to be all that much to tell…

Today is the first day of my two weeks off from work and of course the cold that I felt various symptoms of in the last few days breaks out full force. Ok, I might exaggerate a bit, after all it’s just a bit of everything: running nose, a bit of a cough, but all in all annoying! I want to enjoy my time off and not need to deal with those (minor) issues. When the symptoms didn’t disappear on the 2nd day, I did take a COVID test (or two) which came back negative. A coworker is out with COVID at the moment, because that fuck isn’t over, even though it’s hardly talked about anymore.

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Over the past few days / weeks maybe even I realized I’m in dire need of time off.

Time off from work, which is a bit stressful at the moment, especially for someone like me who tends to stress out a lot about stuff.

Time off from my digital world to some extent.

Time off from the news. I think and stress and worry and argue (with whom?) in my head way too much about some stuff. I have so many half-finished, ambiguous thoughts and ideas in my head. Terror attacks happening here in Germany not too far from where I live. Politicians and parties reacting to that in their usual “let’s see how can be more populistic” kind of way. Right-wing / populistic parties on the rise. About the war going on in Gaza. About all those other places in the world where horrible things happen right now and the western world isn’t really watching. The war, famine and flood in Sudan for (just one) instance. And yes, I’m aware of my privilege that I can just turn off the news for a few days.

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Taking time to properly read some good books and not just tear through some superficial (turned out to be sort of crappy) contemporary romances I picked from my to-read-list for some distraction form all those stressing-me-out thoughts mentioned above.

Taking time to be with myself for a bit. Introspection. Journalling maybe. Starting to read some of the self-care-books on my shelf. Taking time to listen in at some online “selfcare classes” offered through my place of work in a “Personal Growth Week” next week. Even though I’m off work, I can easily access those classes, and I plan to do.

Taking time for some crafts. Doodling. Photography and photo-editing.

Taking time to listen to music and podcasts and maybe audiobooks.

Where am I planning to do all that? Here….

Leaving on Friday morning for a whole week. I’ll be staying in apartment complex less than 5 minutes from the beach. There is a village / small town near-ish by and of course some restaurants and such all around. It is a tourist destination after all. I don’t plan to make much use of any of that though. I feel like hibernating, not necessarily in my apartment, but on my blanket on the beach.

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This morning, I made a basic (aka boring) meal plan and from that compiled a long list of groceries I plan to bring. I know I could buy some of them there in the supermarket when I arrive, but I’m a bit sceptic (aka worried) about prices and availability. A meal plan also for the reason, that about 10 days ago I gave “intermittent fasting” another try. I did a version of the 14:10 variant for a while last year, where you either miss breakfast and/or don’t too late, so that you fast for 14 hours and only eat within the timespan of the other 10 hours. I lost a bit of weight back then, which was nice but not the motivation as such. At some point the evening snacking habit came back and I gave up on that strict schedule.

A friend recently mentioned doing the 5:2 variant at the moment and I looked into that and a bit on a whim started Saturday two weeks ago. You basically eat normally on 5 days a week at whatever time suits you and on two day you fast as in only consume about 500 calories. Which sounds like not much and it is indeed not much. You need lots of liquid on those days. And / or burn some more calories, which I did on my 3rd fasting day (last Saturday), so I could eat a bit more.

Still not much. Is that cheating? I don’t know. I don’t care, it works for me. I’ve lost about 4-5 pounds since I started about 10 days ago. Admittedly, I also paid more attention to what I eat on the regular days and not overindulge on those either, so that might have contributed to the quick weight loss as well.

I thought about taking a break from that for my vacation by the sea, but then thought better of it and am planning to continue and make the switch from Saturday/Tuesday as fasting days to Monday/Thursday, because that are days I’m usually working from home, which feels like good days because work distracts me during the day. Fasting at the office feels like too much trouble at the moment. Saturday isn’t a good day for it either, but I started on a Saturday and my office / work-from-home days were irregular since then as well, so I need some time off to switch to a 5:2 schedule easier to handle in the long run.