Lyrics: “Gene Kelly”, Felix Hagan & The Family, 2017
It’s been a month since I saw Felix Hagan play two album launch shows; one in London, one in Manchester. Why did I only now sort through the tons of photos I had taken or sit down to gather my thoughts on all of it? Well, the first week I was still travelling (London, then home). The second week I was still in post-gig/travel/fangirling blues. But I was also back at work and real life with all its minutiae. And the weeks went on with stuff that needed doing like organizing my early summer vacation. Stuff that needed processing on personal, national and global level. Add my monkey mind, which these days more than ever tends to jump from one thought / activity to the next. Then also add my imposter syndrome, which make me wonder, if it will be worth all the effort, because no-one will care about my thoughts anyway. You get the drift…
Anyway, here are a bunch of my photos to click through. If you’re also interested in long fangirly ramblings encompassing the last 10 years continue reading below.
“Watch your life transform from humdrum into fun, fun, fun”
At the end of 2016 Frank Turner toured the UK and had picked “Felix Hagan & the Family” as support band. I vaguely recall a tweet in which Frank had tried to capture the ‘madness’ of this band. I felt intrigued and before I flew up to Edinburgh in early December 2016 (to celebrate my show #20) I listened to some songs and liked them well enough. It’s still difficult for me to describe their music, genre-wise. It was a wild clash of glam-rock, punk, pop and musical-theatre. The songs from the first few albums often were elaborated, theatrical stories with lots of lyrics and blasting musical arrangements. Those albums sadly aren’t available on the regular streaming services and as I mostly listen to music via streaming these days (I know…) I kind of forgot about them. I do have the mp3 files stored on my computer though as I had bought it all via bandcamp back then. For this post I went back to listen to those, and these songs are so good and so much fun.
There style wasn’t something I’d usually pick as genre to listen to, but they absolutely blew me away that first time I saw them. The music, the performance, the dancing, the feather boas, the glitter, oh all the glitter.
They brought the glitter and the fun and blasting arrangements when they moved a bit more into the mainstream pop/rock genre with the album “Attention Seeker” in 2017.
As a band they didn’t release any more music nor played any shows after 2018, so I’m feeling super glad that I had managed to experience the “fun, fun, fun” a few times more. At Lost Evenings 2018, when they played on the Nick Alexander Stage and also supported Arkells down the road from the Lost Evenings venue and one more time when they supported Arkells again in Hamburg later that year. Is it a weird coincidence that I’ll be seeing Arkells again tonight (!) for the first time since then? Maybe.
Felix and Tash (from the Familiy) started working on the multi-award-winning musical “Operation Mincemeat”, the others went off to do their own other things. Felix continued making music on his own, which led to the album launch shows.
“I don’t like to bare my soul to strangers
But show me yours and I’ll show you mine”
Like mentioned above most of the old songs were of the theatrical storytelling kind. Looking back now there already were traces of what I’ve grown to love, adore and appreciate about Felix’s songwriting (the later years). And that is how he manages to put all his dark, occasionally destructive thoughts, his self-doubt and his messy emotions into beautiful words. Those dark, occasionally destructive thoughts and the self-doubt and the messy emotions I know from myself all too well.
But let me tell you, boys and girls
Inside my head this chasm has unfurled
A dark void that’s filled with smoke and drink
If I could only bend these bars
And shoot out of the gutter into the stars
Then that would be the best thing ever
Don’t you think?
(Best Thing Ever, 2011)
On the forementioned “Attention Seeker” and especially the new album “Happy Songs” there are some truly wonderful and meaningful lyrics. Meaningful for my often messed up mind and soul anyway. These words (and music) are some help to understand myself a bit better. To accept myself more, knowing that others feel just the same. Some of those words also work as a good reminder to try and change things. To remember that life doesn’t have to be this way. That it all can be better. It doesn’t have to become perfect. Felix sums it up quite well here:
“How sweet it is to be almost fine”
(Happy Songs)
No song encapsulates all what I’ve stated above more than “Be A Freak”, which I always had planned to write an “appreciation post” about some day. I guess this section will have to do.
The opening words alone always draw me right in:
“I used to die inside
Pent up and paralysed
By fear of strangers’ perception”
The chorus is a very straight on direction on how to live your life, ending with…
“[….] And be proud
‘Cos baby you’re the best thing ever ever ever”
The second verse opens with
“What does it feel like
What is it like to be shameless?”
and draws a picture of how wonderful life could be if we were able to rid ourselves of all the shame = embarrassment / inadequacy / guilt we ‘broken people’ so often feel about not being good enough / about thinking we have said the wrong thing / about just being a bit different. The verse ends with
“Time to start living outrageously”
On the new album “Happy Songs” Felix is even more open about his own struggles with mental health issues and I applaud him for that. It does help so much to have these words spoken and these emotions captured in songs.
“When you’re feeling worthless and the world is doing its best to prove it”
(Happy Songs)
“Don’t say you’re fine when I know you’re lying
Dying inside and terrified
Of normal life, of strangers
And the judgement that you find in every glance”
(Breathe In Breathe Out)
I can relate to that sooooo much. Still. And then there are also the uplifting encouraging lyrics, which I need to keep as a reminder. I’m considering to have another bracelet done with “drops in the ocean”.
“Breathe in, breathe out
They’re just emotions
Drops in the ocean
So let your feelings go”
(Breathe In Breathe Out)
“He’s the patron saint of each great Friday night“
Around this time of year in 2020 the world had shut down. We all remember those days, right? For many of us the days of the week morphed into another with routines and any sense of normality gone. Looking back, I’m still so glad and grateful that two of my favourite artists set up weekly live streams very quickly. On Thursdays Frank Turner played through all his albums chronologically, which was comforting in the way that we knew what to expect.
“Felix Fridays” on the other hand were often much more of a surprise regarding set list and anecdotes. Usually, Felix picked a theme each week and that could range from “Musical Theatre hits” to a full night of ABBA , the 80s, Disney, Mo-Town, Bruce Springsteen vs Billy Joel, you name it. Have a look at the “banners” he created for all those events. Madness. There also was the crowd favourite “All requests”. theme, where we filled the chatroom with a wild mix of song title we’d like to hear, and he often just played it. Because he is such a talented, versatile mind-blowingly brilliant musician.
Because of all that and because I needed cheering up in that summer of 2020, I had decided to splurge and took him up on his “Any Song You Like” offer, in which he recorded a proper cover of anything for ₤500. From some of the many anecdotes during the livestreams I knew his mother is Swedish and that Felix knows some of the language at least. The Swedish pop duo Roxette were my first fangirling love back in the day and I had all their Swedish solo stuff as well. With all that in mind I gave Felix the challenge to do a song in Swedish. Which he did brilliantly. Of course. You can all still listen to this version (and to all the other “Any Song…” as well)
“Ännu Doftar Kärlek” (on Soundcloud)
“Cos you’ll find your heart in the backroom tonight
Where souls collide and the night comes to life”
Let’s bring it back to the start of this post: the actual live music! 7 years, 2 months and a few days after the gig in Hamburg I was finally back in a crowd in front of Felix Hagan on a stage. I had met him in context of Operation Mincemeat occasionally in the years since, but that’s different.
In the queue outside I start chatting to the people around me and it was so interesting to hear their stories of how they learned of Felix and his music. These days it seems to be a wild mix of ages and genders, some who came to this via the Mincemeat avenue and others who had first encountered him on the same Frank Turner UK tour as I had. Other people in vintage – out of stock nowadays I guess – Felix Hagan & the Family merch like me. Shirts I never knew existed.
Both nights there were wonderful support acts: In London it was folk singer McGovern who to our delight shared his own “I first saw Felix when he was supporting Frank Turner in 2016” anecdote. I liked his music and he was super nice as well, go check him out on his bandcamp (or elsewhere).
In Manchester the opener was Louis Barabbas. Around the same time as Felix Hagan & the Family were playing shows Louis did the same with “Louis Barabbas & the Bedlem Six”. Back then I only ever heard of them but never took the time to check them out. Felix mentioned Louis’ work after that on occasion, but I never made the effort to listen to any of it. Which I should have done, because that evening it all sounded really good. He played some songs of the musical “Coraline” based on the Neil Gaiman children’s book. A project, which he had been working on for many years and which got canned very last minute. In Manchester he mentioned, they had been in the process of casting the young girl for the main role, so yeah, very last minute. Google “Neil Gaiman” and you’ll figure out why. It’s a shame, because those songs were amazing.
I guess a lot of the people in the crowd, who had been fans of Felix for many years had also been fans of “Louis Barrabas & the Bedlam Six” back in the day. Or like me – they were just impressed by the performance that night. Anyway, we managed to get Louis to do an encore. Which I don’t recall ever happening at any of the many gigs I’ve been to in my life.
And the main act: what can I say? I like him. A lot! I loved seeing Felix on a stage again, playing new songs about life, heartbreak and our demons, but also about the love and light that helps us pull through. What a marvelous experience each night. It was a joy to see Felix have so much fun on stage himself. He belongs up there! And as ever it’s not just the joy to hear him sing those songs on stage, but also to be in a room of like minded people. Of singing along with like minded people. Never underestimate the healing aspects of communal singing, let me tell you.
A highlight of course was, when during the request bit of the evening someone shouted “Piano Man”. Which was the song he quite often ended the “Felix Friday” live stream with and I assume most of at home in front of our screens were singing along. It was so lovely to do the ‘singing along’ in a room full of people for a change.
Both gigs took place in quite small locations – about 150 to 200 people – because, let’s face it: Felix isn’t yet very well known as performing artist in his own name. I assume that those who were there, cared about him and his music as much as I do and in many cases probably as long as I have done. At the first show in London Felix came into the room for some “technical stuff” before the actual gig. Before he dealt with whatever he had to deal with he came over to us who were already inside to say Hi, give us a hug and chat for a while. On both nights Felix hang around for a bit afterwards as well for chats and photos and all that. Which is always such a lovely thing to experience.
Shortly after I came back from the UK I saw a trailer for the concert / tour film Billie Eilish has been doing with James Cameron recently [Trailer on Youtube]. I saw the size of the venues, the scale of the live concert production, but also the distance that this scale of production and success inevitably creates between the artist and the fans. And I immediately thought back to those moments before and after the gigs in London and Manchester and realized how blessed I am, that there is no huge distance (yet) between Felix and us. And while I of course wish Felix all the success with his music and that he will be able to make (more of) a living from writing and performing his own songs, another part of me – selfishly – hopes that he’ll never get to a level, where he needs to be shielded from mobs of fans.
This all turned out much longer than I had intended originally. Sorry. Not Sorry. If ‘ll be able to go to another Felix gig any time soon – he is planning to do more gigs now – I will try to keep it to a regular “gig recap + photos” length.
