Lyrics: “Machines” – Biffy Clyro, 2007
For a moment I had considered the following words for the title:
“Cause I′ve started falling apart, I’m not savouring life”
which are the lines leading up to the words I did choose in the end. That would have made a rather depressing title though. And I’m not in such a low mood, because I am very consciously trying to work against that, by “taking the pieces and building them skywards”. Getting enough sleep or at least trying to. Being kind to myself. Drawing lines. Taking breaks. Doodling. Staying hydrated (not always managing that as well as I’d like. Being kind to myself about that as well).
Work is once again / still super busy and partly overwhelming. I question myself too often still and have to tell myself again and again that making mistakes is human. Not sure I made all that many mistakes, but it feels like it more often than I like these days. Anyway, sometimes my job comes with perks, or at least by now I don’t feel bad to claim perks, when they are available. Like volunteering to assist some coworkers on a job they had to do on a spoil tip, which is closed off to the public. I basically just went so I could look down and around and out….
Lovely little break from our office everyday routine. This weekend will also be a lovely little break as I’m away for a wellness trip with some friends.
Civic engagement is also taking it’s toll still and again and I sometimes just wish I could just quit my participation, but I’d feel too bad about letting down the others long before I had announced I would. It’s just that it feels like I’m one of the few holding it together and I don’t know if I need to draw more lines. Ask for more support. But how can the other not see what needs doing? They’ve been part of it all as long as I have. I can only partly “blame” it on being raised as a woman with the inherent female impulse to pick up the slack. We’re as many women as men in our group so that can’t be it.
Another piece to build it skywards is buying books. Reading books. Not the same activity. I still need to update my reviews on Storygraph, I have read quite a bit recently, while also binging “Department Q” on Netflix. Holy Shit, what a great show. Once I had finished it I had to skim back to some episodes to see how neatly they had woven all those trails together and planted hints along the way. I also immeaditely read the few “Carl / Rachel” fanfics I could find, because… duh! Chemistry!
And then there of course is music and buying gig tickets. I know I probably wouldn’t have needed the pre-sale code, but when I have it and know I want to go, I can just as well buy the ticket right away, right? My upcoming vacation in September, Department Q and all that had me in a Scottish mood: So I bought the Biffy Clyro ticket for January 2026 mere 5 minutes after the presale started and am at the moment getting reacquainted with all their good old stuff. The opening chords to “The Captain” still get me all hyped up, I mean just listen to it
I plan to watch the whole 90 minutes at some point in the very near future. Isn’t it nice to fall back in love with a band?
Another thing that’s been weighing on my mind a bit these past few days, was, that my gynaecologist last week urged me to have recommended procedure done rather sooner that later. She called the hospital, I had a pre-op appointment there today and my procedure is scheduled for next Thursday. Out-patient so no big deal, but still a bit of a deal. Anaesthesia and so on. In my 50 years on this earth I only had to go through that once over 25 years ago. I’m not really worried about it all, it’s just such a nuisance to spend hours at the hospital, in surgery (more minutes than hours hopefully), recuperating and all that. But I’m glad this happens long before my trip to Scotland, so I can enjoy it. Six weeks more to go.
