Lyrics: “The Next Storm” – Frank Turner, 2016
At some point in the last few days, I noticed the urgent impulse to put myself in some kind of “retreat” mode this weekend. Stay off the news. Stay off social media. Spend time inside my head, but in a good and healthy way: Mediate. Listen to mindfulness / self-care podcasts. Journal. Read. Be more present with myself. If that makes sense.
I know myself and I know that I wouldn’t / couldn’t be able to do that while I’m staying at home. Because home is full of “fun” distractions and also has too many things (laundry, stacks of stuff to sort through) which remind me of my failures, and which dial up the volume of the critical voice in my head. The weather here was awful so any nice weekend getaways idea would have been a stupid idea. In the end I just booked myself into a small self-catering apartment in a small town I know well enough about 1.5 hours’ drive away.
I had actually planned to not leave the apartment at all, because the weather forecast was dreadful. But when the rain stopped yesterday, I went out for coffee and cake. I resisted the impulse to take a photo for an Instagram story, because… off the grid and all. And what really is the point of all of that anyway?
I listened to a lot of podcasts (episodes): About self-compassion. About distractions. About focus. I would love to say that I stayed offline all weekend, but that’s not quite true. I downloaded podcast episodes from the internet. I managed to read about 15% of the over 300 saved articles in my bookmark feed. Which of course also happened online. Articles about (current and sometimes not so current just interesting) political / social / science issues.
I finally got back into reading one of the many self-help / self-care books in my stack. I managed to read a few pages each of my current fiction and non-fiction.
I’ve decided to startre-listening to the Outlander audiobooks (starting from book 6, because the first five I know / remember so well) to remind myself of all the things that’s been going on before book 10 will be published in 2025 or 2026.
I’ve also finished my latest “meditative drawing” if that’s what I want to call it. I did that while listening to podcasts, which works fine for me. Focusing on one or the other – listening OR drawing – might possibly have been more beneficial in the grand scheme of things of “focusing”, but one step at a time.
Now back at home for a few hours I notice the distractions (tech, entertainment, food) which want to grab my attention much more clearly. I still gave in for a while this afternoon. But at least I now seem to have a better idea of why they want to distract me from uncomfortable thoughts and emotions or from boredom. I hope I’ll find it a bit easier to stay less distracted and more present for the rest of the year. And also beyond of course…
