21.07.2020 | “I used to have such balance, but I don’t know where it went” *

That (blog title) isn’t quite true. I never had a lot of balance, not in the calm, well-adjusted, easy-going kind of way anyway. I was always a tiny bit too worried. Too anxious. A bit off-kilter. I’ve managed to find more of an equilibrium these last few years. And even after the first few months of COVID-19 shock and fatigue and freeze mode, I thought I’d found a 2020 balance at least.

For mostly unknown reasons I’ve been feeling properly out of whack for the last few days. My body seems to be in constant fight-or-flight mode. Which I usually only experience when I’m temporarily anxious or agitated or worried about something. But this feels constant! All the freaking time. Even when I don’t have any outward reason to worry or be anxious. Nerd that I am, I ‘swear’ on the stress level chart of my Garmin smart watch. And it shows what I’m experiencing. Stressed completely off the charts! I’m afraid it might be a bit of self-centred spiralling going on. I’m feeling agitated about not knowing why I’m so bloody agitated. I hate this.

I have to deal with some important stuff at work at the moment: the future concept (staff and budget wise) for a project we’re taking over and drafting the necessary resolution for the higher ups to sign off on it, is taking so much time and is so much work and there is quite a bit at stake. I’m also spending so much time and energy and thought on this project, that a lot of other stuff, which is also important, is pushed to the back burner, which isn’t good either. So I have some reason to be worried to some degree. But not like this. I hate this.

The notes app on my phone holds various notes / prompts for a blog post. Some other day, I guess. I’ll now lie down for a nap to be woken up by the alarm in about 90 minutes to watch Frank Turner and Jaret Reddick on “Back to the Metal”. It’s time for questions from Frank’s channel today. Yes, I’m a crazy, irresponsible (I need sleep, god damit) fangirl. But what can I say… it’s always fun to watch and as I doubt I’ll see Frank for another 12 months, I’ll take all the online appearances I can get.

* Lyrics: Imperfect Tense, Frank Turner, 2008

19.07.2020 | “Because the truth is, I don’t like people all that much” *

This is not the way I wanted to start this post, but I need to rant. About too many people  already / again / still ignoring the most basic COVID rules and regulations.

I went to a manor house with a beautiful garden today. The website, the signs at the entrance, the free map every visitor got at the ticket booth clearly state the few basic COVID 19 rules. Like: wear a mask at the shops, the restrooms, the café / bistro area. I have to admit that most people at those instances did and still…  Two customers in my queues at the bistro area didn’t wear a mask at all. Two elderly white men. Sorry guys, but in my experience it’s always the old white dudes. Do we have a name for those? What’s the equivalent of “Karen”? Neither of the staffers called them out on it, so I didn’t feel it was my place to do so. But I was a bit pissed off and stayed as far away as I could. This evening I sent a – polite and friendly, I hope – mail to the woman running the gardens, letting her know, that I felt a bit uncomfortable that the mask rule wasn’t implemented the way I had hoped in that cafe / bistro area. That at least made me feel a bit better…

Something that bothered me just as much happened a bit earlier in the day, at this deck chair / pavilion area.

Ippenburger Gardens

Yes, even *I* took off my mask, once I had pulled the red deck chair (on the right) more than 6 feet away from the others. I put the mask back on when I navigated my way back down around the other people. In the half hour I spent there, only about 20% of the people who came and went put on a mask for whatever amount of time. And that’s including me! Some of them didn’t care much about any kind of distance either. “Yes, there is a family sitting already, but let’s just occupy the chairs next to them. Pull them a feet away, so it looks like some distance.”  Ehm, Ladies… it was still only two feet away. Ugh!

Part of me wonders if I’m just too much a stickler for rules and abiding by them. Wonders if I’m overreacting. It’s outdoors and mostly with a enough distance and not too much time spend in the vicinity of these people. That’s why I’m not too worried for myself. But still… it’s not okay, people! Just wear the damn mask for the often only short amount of time  you’re asked to wear it. I just don’t get it! Do those people really not care? Do they think it doesn’t concern them anymore?  

On the way back home I caught the news on the radio at some point. In Frankfurt the police last night had to break up a (probably not distanced) gathering of a few hundred people partying in front of the Opera and some of those people attacked the police. In my state, authorities had to break up an illegal 300 people birthday party with a DJ and all.  In a poultry meat processing facility almost 70 people got infected with COVID. It’s depressing and infuriating, isn’t it? And I haven’t yet mentioned the German tourists partying at Golden Sands in Bulgaria, with no regard for distancing or masks or anything.  

But… besides these annoyances I had a lovely time today and it was worth the long (almost two hours one way) drive up there. Here are a few of my photos. I will definitely come back at some point. I also need to remember to reapply sunscreen. I packed it, so why didn’t I? It’s not really a sunburn, but close enough, I think…

Website in German: Ippenburger Gärten. Open every Sunday from 11 – 18 PM till early October 2020. Thanks to Frau Nessy (German blog) for the idea.

*lyrics from “Once We Were Anarchists”, Frank Turner, 2007

14.07.2020 | “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?”

MY story today is one of a proper monkey mind, jumping from one thought  or activity or whim to the next. I’m often like that, but today I had actually, tentatively  planned some things. I’ve only accomplished three and a half of them so far. The things I hadn’t planned, but did 

  • watching the first set of yoga instructions of the “My Peak Challenge”  course, as I thought, I might start with those to get back into the MPC spirit and to losen some of the tension. 
  • driving to the fitness store to buy a proper yoga mat and also a recovery / massage ball, because I’ve got some proper knots in my calves for a few days now.
  • Paying the rest of the sum for my one-week vacation in September.

It was a good thing I did that last one, because it made me look into ferry times and such and it turns out I’m really late booking the ferry. I now got a 5pm slot for going there and back, because every other slot was already fully booked.  So being whimsical today paid off in that regard anyway. 52 more days to go, according to the flat rental booking site. 

On my ‘staycation’ I’ve more often than not, been woken up by the construction work next door. Ugh! I’m almost glad to have to get up earlier than they start working tomorrow again. A few weeks / months (during lockdown anyway) ago, I bitched quite a bit about the demolition work going on next door, where they tore down a huge abandoned factory. Now they (not the same they, I guess) started constructing the new buildings. A care home, assisted living facilities and such. I expected it to be not quite as loud and annoying as the demolition. And in general during the day it isn’t. But at 6 in the morning any building noise outside the bedroom window sucks! 

I went to three stores today and didn’t get COVID-agitated about all that much. That’s progress, people, even though a few folks still don’t know how to wear the mask correctly. But we kept our distances, there were no queues or crowds to worry about, so it was ok.  I might be getting there at some point.

Patience is a virtue, is one of those sayings. And boy, is it a correct one. In my case anyway. I’m not always impatient, but sometimes some discussions just seem to circle round and round and not even around something that was on the agenda for the meeting. Cryptic, I know. But I found myself getting twitchy and passive – aggressive in a meeting tonight and I don’t like that about myself. At all. That’s definitely something I need to be ‘working’ on.

I’m very late jumping on the ‘Hamilton’ train, I know, I know… At it’s height a few years ago I was a bit intrigued by the concept, but not really interested and in general not a big fan of hip hop. So I’ve only followed it all on the periphery. I did watch the show on Disney last weekend. My first reaction that night sort of confirmed my general assumption. Great in concept and groundbreaking and impressive and all that jazz. But… too much hip hop, which sounded to similar to me. Too many characters, too much plot. In my defense, I started watching it late on a weekend evening. I think my mind was just too tired to fully appreciate it. Some of the songs got stuck in my mind though so I listened to the cast recording on Spotify. Once. Twice. Three times… you get the idea. Yes, it really is AS GOOD as everyone has been saying for years. I watched the show again last night and with being more familiar with the songs and through them the characters and plot, I could appreciate it so much more. It definitely deserves all the awards and accolades it got, I think. 

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