14.07.2020 | “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?”

MY story today is one of a proper monkey mind, jumping from one thought  or activity or whim to the next. I’m often like that, but today I had actually, tentatively  planned some things. I’ve only accomplished three and a half of them so far. The things I hadn’t planned, but did 

  • watching the first set of yoga instructions of the “My Peak Challenge”  course, as I thought, I might start with those to get back into the MPC spirit and to losen some of the tension. 
  • driving to the fitness store to buy a proper yoga mat and also a recovery / massage ball, because I’ve got some proper knots in my calves for a few days now.
  • Paying the rest of the sum for my one-week vacation in September.

It was a good thing I did that last one, because it made me look into ferry times and such and it turns out I’m really late booking the ferry. I now got a 5pm slot for going there and back, because every other slot was already fully booked.  So being whimsical today paid off in that regard anyway. 52 more days to go, according to the flat rental booking site. 

On my ‘staycation’ I’ve more often than not, been woken up by the construction work next door. Ugh! I’m almost glad to have to get up earlier than they start working tomorrow again. A few weeks / months (during lockdown anyway) ago, I bitched quite a bit about the demolition work going on next door, where they tore down a huge abandoned factory. Now they (not the same they, I guess) started constructing the new buildings. A care home, assisted living facilities and such. I expected it to be not quite as loud and annoying as the demolition. And in general during the day it isn’t. But at 6 in the morning any building noise outside the bedroom window sucks! 

I went to three stores today and didn’t get COVID-agitated about all that much. That’s progress, people, even though a few folks still don’t know how to wear the mask correctly. But we kept our distances, there were no queues or crowds to worry about, so it was ok.  I might be getting there at some point.

Patience is a virtue, is one of those sayings. And boy, is it a correct one. In my case anyway. I’m not always impatient, but sometimes some discussions just seem to circle round and round and not even around something that was on the agenda for the meeting. Cryptic, I know. But I found myself getting twitchy and passive – aggressive in a meeting tonight and I don’t like that about myself. At all. That’s definitely something I need to be ‘working’ on.

I’m very late jumping on the ‘Hamilton’ train, I know, I know… At it’s height a few years ago I was a bit intrigued by the concept, but not really interested and in general not a big fan of hip hop. So I’ve only followed it all on the periphery. I did watch the show on Disney last weekend. My first reaction that night sort of confirmed my general assumption. Great in concept and groundbreaking and impressive and all that jazz. But… too much hip hop, which sounded to similar to me. Too many characters, too much plot. In my defense, I started watching it late on a weekend evening. I think my mind was just too tired to fully appreciate it. Some of the songs got stuck in my mind though so I listened to the cast recording on Spotify. Once. Twice. Three times… you get the idea. Yes, it really is AS GOOD as everyone has been saying for years. I watched the show again last night and with being more familiar with the songs and through them the characters and plot, I could appreciate it so much more. It definitely deserves all the awards and accolades it got, I think. 

12.07.2020 | “Baby let’s get out of city, we need to breathe some cleaner air”

During the day I had jotted down various prompts to write about. Right now I can’t be bothered though. I’m lying in bed, knackered (long hours behind the wheel), but happy, because… almost six hours by the sea. Doing nothing than gazing out. Dozing. Reading. Listening to the Hamilton cast recording and a Frank Turner podcast. Breathing in. Breathing out. Recharging.

I arrived at low tide and stayed till high tide. Every time this part of nature just blows my mind and grounds me. In the grand scheme of thing all my worries are just a blip. Life goes on and there is always, always a new day. Like the tide going in, going out…

Maybe my state of blissful exhaustion is making me mellow…

(Lyrics: Wanderlust, Frank Turner, 2011)

11.07.2020 | “Danger, Will Robinson”

I’m sure I mentioned, that the biggest change the pandemic has caused in my life is, that I’m even more “high strung” than I used to be. I was usually “high strung” in the way, that I worried a lot about how other people see me. How they react. Worried that I say / do something stupid. All those kind of things. At times that was borderline stressful, depending on how well I felt in general.

The first few weeks of lockdown I was very stressed, when I was out and about in shops and all. Worried about people with or without masks getting too close, worried about touching surfaces and all that. I was in medium to high – level alert mode ALL the time when I wasn’t at home. This morning I started writing a version of this post and explained how this has changed, because on the few more occasions I run into other people by now, I don’t worry all that very much anymore. Everyone is wearing masks (more or less correctly) and keeping a moderate to safe distance. I only spent time in this medium distance to masked people for less than 5 minutes in a check out queue or similar moments. There is no real reason to worry. But there still is an underlying low level alert mode going on, which often is unnecessary, because… see above. And I thought I had that in check. The whole post I wrote this morning was about that.

This afternoon I met a friend for a walk / hike for the first time in… ever and we had a lovely time catching up in person. We ended our fun afternoon out with sitting down in the outdoor part of a cafe / restaurant. We waited till the waiter had wiped down our table, all the staff were wearing masks correctly. We were brought track & trace forms to fill out. All in line with the regulations. Could the table have been spaced more apart ? Probably, but it was outdoors, so I wasn’t worried. Or I thought I wasn’t. I didn’t feel worried. My nervous system seem to disagree though.

We hiked from about 2 – 4. When you’re active there is no stress level recorded. We sat down at the cafe from 4.30 till 5.45. My baseline in the Garmin stress level is about 30-35 these days (which I consider high compared to regular days last year). This was almost off the chart! It has reached those levels the first week I was back at the office and at other occassions these past few months. But I really thought I had reached, you know… low level alert mode. I guess, not. I’m longing back to those days when that amount of stress was caused by things like “travel”. To a work / Frank Turner event in March 2019 for instance. Because that all was mostly “happy stress”. This… I hate this!

On a happier note: I plan another day trip to the sea tomorrow. The weather seems perfect for it. Dry, sunny with a few clouds, 17 °C. There won’t be hoards of family on a bathing vacation and I hope I’ll find a space to just be and breathe for a while. Bring my stress levels back down 🙂

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