16.10.2022 | “A Plague On Both Your Houses…”

“Romeo and Juliet” – William Shakespeare, 1597

If you follow me on social media – and I assume you do, because where else would you have found this blog? – you will know by now that after 2,5 years COVID finally got me as well. I’m doing okayish on day 5, but the first few days have been difficult for several reasons. Do I know where I caught it? Sadly, yes, pretty much. It was just shit timing. I had been visiting a friend in the UK to go with her to two more Frank Turner gigs. We wore masks at the gigs, even took negative tests at the start of the weekend and felt pretty safe. What more can you do? Unfortunately, my friend must have caught it at her work during the week, because she tested positive Monday morning, before she was supposed to take me to the train station. We had spent several hours in the car together by that point, so I didn’t stand a chance. Like I said, shit timing. At least we had a great time with Frank and the Sleeping Souls and out in the Shropshire countryside on Sunday. Looking on the bright side and all. You’ve seen enough of Frank on here by now, so here is a bit of Shropshire…

Ruins at Wenlock Priory, Shropshire, UK
Ruins at Wenlock Priory, Shropshire, UK

My symptoms started Tuesday night, the test still negative, but I was already getting my high risk patient healthcare organized. My GP was on vacation, so I needed to make sure that the practice taking over her patients for the week, were prepared and willing to prescribe Paxlovid to me. Luckily it all worked out fine in that regard, thanks to Bro3 who went to talk with them (no chance to get through on the phone) and pick up the prescription and the meds the next day. All I had to do was to get tested at official test centre, who also did the PCR once the lateral flow test they did turned positive. I was able to start with Paxlovid less than 48 hours after the symptoms started, which was very good.

My symptoms were/are the classic “like the flu” ones. Stuffed / running nose. Cough, though not as severe as others, just annoying. Headache and most bothersome was the rather high temperature (up to 39.8 °C) for the first three nights. All those things combined made me feel like I didn’t catch any sleep in those nights. The cough is still there, the running nose is better, a sore throat started yesterday, which is a bit annoying. But it’s manageable. I’m still feeling a bit weak in general, a bit dizzy and all that. But that’s to expected, I guess.

I had dreaded getting the plague for so long, because as a high-risk patient (on immunosuppressants) I had no idea what to expect. And as a person who’s wont to worry about everything, I worried a lot about that of course. I don’t know if it’s a body’s / mind’s natural survival instinct to block out this worry in time of an emergency as an acute COVID infection? But I didn’t worry too much about any long lasting effect. And I still don’t. Yet. Fingers crossed.

I’m still off work for the next week, standard procedure for symptomatic patients: 10 days. And I think I will definitely need those to get back on my feet. It’s a pretty bad time to be off work right now, but that can’t be helped, and I try my hardest to not feel guilty about it. I didn’t catch it on purpose and there really wasn’t anything I could have done to prevent it. Except shielding as a hermit for the rest of my life and I’m not willing to do that. For work or anything else. Here at home now I need to make sure to not overdo it with things I feel I should be doing (Tidying and such). Bit by bit and taking enough rest for sure. I might use this time to write a bit more here, as that’s not a too strenuous activity. Maybe.

Here a few more photos from lovely Shropshire…

Much Wenlock, Shropshire, UK
Much Wenlock, Shropshire, UK
Ruins of Buildwas Abbey, Shropshire, UK
Ruins of Buildwas Abbey, Shropshire, UK
Tiled Floor at Buildwas Abbey, Shropshire, UK
Tiled Floor at Buildwas Abbey, Shropshire, UK

03.10.2022 | “I’ve Started Falling Apart…”

Lyrics: “Machines” – Biffy Clyro, 2007

I had been looking forward to this long weekend, with a bank holiday today: German Unity Day. But for some strange reason I’ve been weirdly indecisive and wound up and feeling just “off” for the last two days. Yesterday was particularly awful as I started and gave up on various activities, because I just couldn’t make up my mind and I just couldn’t get my mind to calm down. There wasn’t too much negativity on my mind, thank God for that, but it was still a mess of jumbled thoughts. I went for a walk in the end, which seemed to have helped and I started building the LEGO Fender Stratocaster guitar, I had bought many months ago. That also seemed to have helped to get my mind to slow down a bit. Still need to build the amp, but I’m not sure if I’ll keep doing that this week.

LEGO Fender Stratocaster
LEGO Fender Stratocaster

This morning I was awake around 6, got up before 7 and was worried it might turn into yet another weirdly restless day. But it hasn’t so far. I still feel like I should sit down and write a few things down by hand. Just for myself to work through them. I know it will do me good, but there is always this roadblock to get me started for some reason.

Work | Busy as usual. We were / are on a deadline with a few steps in various projects, but it seems to be going okay so far, after putting in some effort these past few days. It might feel weird this week with these big chunks of the workload out of the way for now. Our new boss (team supervisor) starts tomorrow and that will be a big change for all of us. Half of our team is out on vacation or some sort of sick leave at the moment, so we’ll start small, which might be a good thing for getting to know each other. It’s going to be interesting either way.

Therapy | Is going well still. We’ve only got six sessions left of the amount of sessions approved by my health insurance, but my therapist and I agreed that it would be beneficial to do about 10 – 15 more in addition to that. We both don’t think I will fall into a well of depression without it and that I’d probably be okay short-term even if we start phasing out the remaining sessions. But in general, I would like to delve a bit more into various of my issues to get a better understanding and get more tools and strategies to handle them. And to practice handle them with an expert still by my side. My therapist is very optimistic that the insurance will agree to an extension. Once again, I wish I would have had the idea, but also the mental and emotional capacity to take that step of starting therapy years ago.

Klutz | Friday afternoon I drove to pick up some stuff I ordered to a store about 15 km away and decided to stop a a bookstore to finally pick up the latest of “The Thursday Murder Club.” Unfortunately I managed to put a dent into the right backseat door of my car while I parked a the curb. Ugh! Stupid, inattentive. Klutz? I don’t know. I try not to beat myself up too much about it but at the same time started to worry that I’m not mad enough about it and if that might be a bad sign of lethargy / depression….? I thought about taking it to the shop to have it looked at and get an estimate tomorrow, but as I’ll be at the office Tuesday / Wednesday I might not be able to get back home in time to take it to the shop. It probably can wait another week. I’m very relaxed about it. It’s a bit… unusual for me to say the least.

Envy | I started listening again to a German podcast about mindfulness, I might have mentioned that one here before: “Achtsam” (Dlf Nova). I was going through back episodes I hadn’t listened to before and found one on envy and picked that one. I know I sometimes am envious of people for the wrong reasons. There are not really right reasons to be envious of someone, are there? Anyway, this came much closer to home than I had expected. Seriously, I felt caught out. Which isn’t a bad thing in the long run, I learned a few things about myself. One of the many things I might need / want to journal about.

Grief | Comes in waves. Still. Again. For the rest of my life probably. My brothers and I went to the funeral of one of Bro3’s old friend’s mother. It’s still a bit weird to be the generation who’s (starting to) burying their parents now. We’re not that old, are we? Don’t answer that. It was a lovely ceremony; non-denominational, which always feels a bit weird for this lapsed Catholic. The religious rituals are just so ingrained in my cells, obviously. But, of course it brought back memories of my mum again. No surprise. I also miss my dad, who’s passed away over 30 years ago, a bit more these days, but for different reasons. I’ll be in Coventry, UK, this week for a Frank Turner gig (of course) and I’ve got enough time during the day to visit the Cathedral (ruins). I have a vague memory of visiting them with my dad, when I accompanied him on two-weeks teacher training course in 1986. Long story. I consciously have not pulled out the photo albums in our family home now to check. I’ll go and see if anything there jogs my memory. All those tiny, shared memories partially lost when the person you share them with is no longer around.

World Events | I don’t feel confident or informed enough to comment on any of those. Or am too overwhelmed to gather my thoughts into anything coherent. Ukraine. Iran. Climate Crisis. Let’s support the people and amplify their voices at least.

25.09.2022 | “How Do We Light the Torch and Pass It Round…”

Lyrics: “Flammable” – Biffy Clyro, 2016

Here we go again with some kind of weekly recap to keep up some content here.

Work | Has been super busy till Wednesday, where we had a big public engagement event in the evening. It went allright in the end, even though so many tiny things went wrong in the process leading up to it. I’m glad that’s off my plate for now and I just have to worry about / deal with all the other things that keep me busy. I have no idea when there will be some more relaxed times for me in the (near) future.

Saving Energy | This Insta post basically says it all: I borrowed my brother’s digital meter to check for unnecessary standby consumption of my appliances. And holy shit, is there a lot of it in my apartment. I’m a bit ashamed that it took me so long. I work in the climate action field! Talking the talk and all that. I also just ordered some more warm / comfy clothes for home. Hoodies and pants and all that. I’m in the privileged situation, that I don’t have to worry about not being able to pay my bills, even if it’s 3 or 4 times higher than before. It would hurt a bit, but I’ve got a cushion. So many others don’t though, and I think our government needs to do more to help those. I just donated the one-time payment to help with our energy bills to foodbanks in my region, because they are so in demand and suffering themselves with higher bills and such. It’s all so sad and infuriating.

Climate Strike | Talking about energy and such: Friday afternoon I spend some time at the climate strike event in a neighbouring town. To show my support. To be inspired by those young people fighting for their future. I think back to myself and my generation at this young age and I don’t know if we would have been as active and organized and eloquent and just amazing! I have hope with these young people around!

Grief | In therapy this week I said I might sit down on the weekend to gather some of my thoughts from the previous weeks, because I’ve been too busy with fangirling and working. I haven’t sat down to do that, because I’ve been sort of busy with good, distracting stuff this weekend. But I hope I might be in the mind to do that during the week. I finished the final season of “This is Us” and of course it all hit very close to home. Making decisions about care of a parent. Saying goodbye to a parent. I’m still not quite over it, but I don’t think I’m expected to be. It’s a process and it flows and ebbs. At the moment the emotions are flowing a bit more and that is ok as well. I just need to find the right words for some of them. Hopefully later this next week.

Biffy | I can’t believe the day is finally upon me. Well, almost anyway. I was supposed to see Biffy ‘Fucking’ Clyro in October 2021. Rescheduled for February 2022. Rescheduled for tomorrow. I won’t be aiming for the barrier for this show though. There are seats in this venue. But I’m looking forward to them.