16.06.2023 | There Was This One Time, When Things Were Ok…

Lyrics: “Recovery” ~ Frank Turner, 2013

The first week post vacation week is over and it was fine. Mostly anyway. I managed to establish some new routines. Slacked a lot on other old / bad routines. I’m a work in progress. One of the new routines was trying to be a bit more focused in what I do during the day. Like not trying to watch the remaining episodes of Outlander Season 6 while also writing this blog post. Neither to listen to a new playlist. I obviously can’t do it without any background noise, but at least I opted for something less distracting: “Sailing Ship Lower Deck” Soundscape via the Calm App and it worked fine.

Intermittent Fasting | I don’t quite know why I wanted to give this a try, but last weekend I had this “let’s just go for it” impulse. I’m sure you’ve read of the 16/8 plan, I’m aiming for 14/10 for now, which means I can eat for 10 hours (from 10 AM to 8 PM) and then only hydrate for the remaining 14 hours. For me it’s not primarily about losing weight, also that’s part of it. As the app I’m using for it also uses a reduced calorie count. It’s the app I’ve used for ages now to track my calorie intake, when I was inclined to. I just never used the fasting feature before. But once I looked into it a tiny bit with my limited understanding of biology, it made sense for a whole lot of other reasons. Blood sugar, insulin and such. Since I’ve started working from home a lot in 2020 I often didn’t eat breakfast before 9 so skipping this in the process from going from 3 to 2 meals in the 10 hour period of non-fasting made sense. I was afraid the “no snacking in the evening” rule would be hardest, but so far I’ve done fine. I’m having snacks like chocolate for dessert at my regular meal. Maybe just the novelty of a more restricted eating schedule helps as well. I lost about 4 pounds while I was on vacation in Scotland, because I was a bit more active and seem to have snacked less, so I wanted to keep the momentum. The advice I read so far about milk (either cow or plant based) during fasting is inconclusive to me. I can’t drink my coffee without a splash of milk, so I’ll risk it in the last few hours of the 14 hours window.

Mental Health | I’ve been feeling surprisingly fine this week. I had a good therapy session on Tuesday. It’s winding down and there will only be two more sessions left. So this week and next time we’re working on recapping what I’ve learned and to check where I might need to still do some work or pay more attention too. But I’m confident that I’ll manage. I’ve also listened to a few (new) podcast episodes which talked about various mental health care issues or with professionals during my vacation. I’m still learning so much. When I’m in a situation which would have stressed me out or sent me down a spiral of negative thinking in the past few years (or forever) I now often catch myself being weirdly zen about it all. Of course then I wonder if I’m so desensitized and numb to everything around me or if I’m just doing fine and okay and am a bit more grounded in myself. It feels weird to not freak out about stuff so much anymore. Does that make sense? Anyway, life is good. More or less.

Local Politics | This is a bad segue to the “less good” part. I’m frustrated and fed up. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years now and the majority parties are still sticking to their – in my eyes – wrong priorities and block any idea from us Greens. It probably is a very specific local problem, because elsewhere politicians from the same party are much more progressive. But by now I wonder why I should spend my time fighting a lost cause. I don’t think it’s doing my mental health any good and I could use the time for better things. To be honest I would like to step down from it all right now, but that would feel unfair to my fellow Greens who don’t have anyone to replace me. I am determined to not stand again at the next election in 2025 though and – true to my still a bit messed up mind – already worry how the others will react and when to best announce it and all that. It will still give me enough reasons to stress and freak out till then, I’m afraid.

Work & Colleagues | I eased back into work this week with not too much urgent stuff on the agenda. I tried to implement some of the stuff I’m still learning from my mental health / better life resources (podcasts, books and such). Again, a work in progress. But it’s been lovely to be back with my colleagues and to experience that they appreciate my work and to get good feedback from my supervisor and also just catch up with their real lives as well. The good stuff (engagement, yay!) and sadly with others also the difficult stuff (mental health problems of a child). I hope to be able to lend some support there, even if it’s just to pick up some of the parent’s urgent tasks at work. Anyway, I’m sort of really looking forward to the next few weeks at the office, which also is a nice new development. I never dreaded going to work, but often felt a bit meh about it. It’s just work, isn’t it?

My Frank Turner anniversary | On a June weekend in 2013 I was channel surfing and landed on the stream (not quite live, but from the day, I think) of the Southside Festival. The music of this band on stage that moment sounded good, so I kept watching. They only had one song left and that was all it took for Frank Turner & the Sleeping Souls to hook me. The rest is history, so to speak. Today they played the same festival and there was a Youtube Stream of their gig at 5 in the afternoon and of course I’ve watched it. It’s always fun even if it’s just via a computer screen. Here’s to the next 10 years.

Frank Turner, Live April 2022
Frank Turner, Live April 2022

11.06.2023 | Sunday Nights…

My vacation is coming to an end. I need to go back to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to!

That’s not quite fair to say. I do like my job and my team and in a way I am looking forward to getting back to it / them all. But I still wouldn’t mind a few more days off. I’m greedy, I know. I realized that in the few days at home I’ve tended to fall back into bad / not so healthy routines, so that’s something I hope the routine of a work week will help to counteract. I don’t know.

Over the past few days I’ve spent a lot of my time reading an easily to digest WWII novel series about women in the Royal Naval Service (WRNS) stationed on Orkney in Scotland and thus managed to keep a bit of my vacation vibe alive. Scottish Highlands and Operation Mincemeat 😉

Yesterday I spent quite some time in the our garden, reading in the sun. Today I couldn’t be bothered to step outside, because I found it all rather hot and just meh. I dread driving to work tomorrow and spend time in an office when it’s 25 – 30 °C outside. Oh, well, needs must and all.

Not much more to tell. I met up with some fellow Greens who wanted to reactivate our social media accounts (we’ve not really been using many of them) in the hopes of creating a different kind of outreach. Fine by me, even though I notice myself being so very very jaded by local politics and in parts also by the Green Party politics. “I’m young enough to be all pissed, but I’m old enough to be jaded” as Frank Turner once put in so well in a song. I still don’t know what to do with this inner conflict of mine.

For tonight I won’t think about politics any more though, but try to be a sensible adult. Get my stuff ready for tomorrow, read a bit more, wind down, go to bed at a reasonable hour to be in a rested and relaxed state tomorrow morning.

Here is another photo from Scotland, the view (sort of) from the place I stayed in the 2nd week.

09.06.2023 | “And Some of Them Are Just Like Us and Some of Them Are Dicks”

Lyrics: “Try This At Home” ~ Frank Turner, 2009

For a while I thought I would want to and should write a long post and share my many many thoughts about what seems to come to light regarding the alleged practice one of the most successful German bands lead singer to recruit female fans for sex at gigs. Then I realized that I should not spend much more time and thought on this horribly nasty business than I already have. I’m tempted to, but I know it’s not good for my mental health, so I’ll try to keep this short-ish.

First of all: I stand in solidarity with every girl / woman who has shared their version of unwanted attention, harassment or worse at any gig of any band. My first impulse will always be to believe them for the obvious reason: Despite internet trolls and others screaming “they’re just doing it for fame”: these women have much more to loose by speaking out than not. There is a reason why the majority of sexual harassment, abuse and violence perpetrated by men against women isn’t reported and why even less lead to criminal charges and only an insignificant amount of those cases lead to a conviction. Look it up, if you doubt it.

The other reason for me to believe them in this particular case: I could have easily be one of them. Not in regards to this band, because I despise them with a passion for many other reasons. But if for instance in the 1990s one of the Roxette crew would have invited teenage me and other fans to an after-show party: I probably would have gone. If in the last decade any of Frank Turner’s crew would have invited me and other fans to an after-show party: I would have gone. And at this party I would have expected to be treated with some basic decency. Like I try to treat everyone I met as well. I don’t want live in a world where this expectation is considered naive, because in the particular case of music gigs it’s considered a know fact that it’s “sex, drugs & rock’n’roll, baby”. Or let me rephrase that: If whatever happens at an after-show party happens with consent, fine. If those fans want to do drugs and have sex with the lead singer of a rock’n’roll band, good for them. Though I still think there always is a huge power imbalance between an artist and a fan. And if the big huge famous artist were a decent human being, I’d expect them to make extra sure that everything happens with consent. And that starts with their choice of drinks, drugs and everything else.

But speaking for myself: if a younger me had ever got stuck in an uncomfortable situation with any artist I fangirl over, I’m not sure I would have found the courage and mental state to remove myself from that situation at the time. And I’m not even talking only about sexual advances; there are so many other ways to make someone uncomfortable. I’ve talked about these current allegations with a woman my age, whom I don’t know that well (yet) and she was adamant that she always would have left that situation easily. But I’m not so sure about 20-something me. Even 48-years old me sometimes has a hard time standing up for herself in much less dangerous situations. And that’s why I stand with every girl/woman who might not have the strength to say no at the right moment. If they even had a chance to say no at all.

I’ll spare you the further debris of thoughts and emotions this has brought up for me: less about the allegations and all, more about the fact that I sometimes still have such a hard time to stand up for myself in all kinds of situations. But also thoughts about how to shake off the misogynistic views I notice in myself and which I don’t like about myself. It’s so easy to blame this society I was raised in, but now that I notice them, it’s up to me to work against them, right? This post also is an attempt at that.

To end this rather morose post on a more relaxing note: here is another photo from the way down Stac Pollaidh last week:

And now I’ll go back to reading easy-to-digest contemporary romance and/or WWII romance set on Scottish Isles to fill my mind with happier thoughts.