28.06.2020 | “Another Weekend Run To Ground…”

Another lazy day, I’m afraid. I’m in a bit of a funk as so often and the weather isn’t helping. At least the annyoing pressure (weather and in my head) lifted a bit.

[It’s going to be interesting to see for how long I can title my posts after Frank Turner lyrics…]

Fake News & Conspiracies: When I checked my mails (and feeds and such) in bed this morning – as you do on a weekend – I came across an email adressed to my Green account. It was adressed to many more Green politicians from head to the national party down to lowly local members like me, but also to various people / institutions in the health sector. Subject line: “Real virologist reports Dr. Drosten [German’s top virologist on SARS etc] to the authorities + what are the professional idiots doing?”

The mail included two Youtube links to interviews and a link to some website. This morning in bed I didn’t have anything better to do than google the names of the person who sent it and of the ‘experts’ interviewed and to look at that website. Didn’t bother watching the youtube clips. Summed up content and mission statement: Health-threatining viruses don’t exist. At all! Coronavirus is a conspiracy and big fat lie. But OMG beware of chemtrails, 5G, New World Order, Satanist and so on. I knew there is a dark, disturbing world out there in conspiracy land, but this was the first time I was confronted with it directly. WTF?!?

Minor annoyance: All these ideologies obviously also prevent them from learning just a tiny bit about modern web design. There are services and templates for that. That site used five different fonts in various sizes and about 4 different colour schemes and just… Yickes. Made my mind hurt just looking at it.

Voter registration: For breakfast I decided to finally continue with “The Good Fight”, a show I stopped watching, because the anti-Trump plot got so ludicrous even before the pandemic. The pandemic which for some reason erased all my interest in or attention span for any new-ish TV shows. And by God I tried to watch new / different shows. Anyway, I had only got a few and a half episodes left of that show, so I started with the half. And I got dropped right into a conversation between Diane (white) and Liz (black) about how far each of them would go to ‘re-balance’ the obvious suppression of democratic and especially black votes that had happened in the last US election. And Liz made many valid points about why this matters more to her than it could ever to Diane and how it wasn’t a history Diane could ever understand. It was all so true for me as well and watching it made me a bit uncomfortable. As it should! So many black voters in the US are purposefully disenfranchised and it’s a shame and crime and I absolutely understand people fighting tooth and nails to change that.

German “Gründlichkeit”: Years ago I was always a bit baffled when I learned how very differently other countries handle elections and voter regisrations / notification and in the same context resident registration. In Germany everyone has to be registered at the city they live in. Yes that means it is a governement database, but to me that actually is a good thing if you want the services said govnerment / state / authorities to work seamlessly. Like: Get a postcard telling you about the next election. You don’t have to do a thing to get registered to vote. You just are. Elections take place on a Sunday so most of the people can vote easily because they don’t have to work. Mail in voting is very easy to do as well. There are a lot of things to criticise in Germany and the administrations, but all in all I’m quite happy I live here to be honest.

This weekend I was also reminded how German I actually am, as much as I sometimes like to believe I’m European or even Cosmopolitan. I printed out the form for the refunds for the Lost Evenings tickets. And I was quite annoyed that Eventim didn’t use the German standard norm (DIN 5008) for that letter, which would have made it so easy to fold the letter in the standard “letter folding style” and put it into a windowed envelope with the address fitting into the window and thus save me form writing it on the envelope. Here is the letter. And the way it should have been done, as Eventim obviously know how to do (because it’s the fucking norm here!).

Refund form on the left, ‘proper’ letter on the right (Yes, I admit, I’m a nerd)

My English friends, who would have joined me for Lost Evening and whom I ranted to about this, thought my indignation was very entertaining. Or to be more precise: they laughed at me. And they had every right, because it is just a minor blip and no big deal and I’m usually not such a stickler for rules and such. But… We have that norm for a reason, for crying out loud! Anyway, typical German, I guess. Interessing to find that out about me.

My Peak Challenge: I really need to get back into this. ASAP. The number on the scales this morning told me. Seriously. That might have been a bit of a wake up call. I can’t even blame it all on lockdown, far from it. I must have put about 30 pounds back on in the last two years, after I had lost most of those in the years before, when I followed the MPC plan and was much more active. I really need to figure out a game plan in the next few days and get back into action. I’ll probably have the next week off from work, which will help. Hopefully.

Prime: Some time ago I was in a mad “lets rent some movies” phase, hoping that I’d get in the mood for those soon. When I was going through the list now I realized that I only have got 35 hours left to watch them. Oh, I’m so stupid. I might get another one in tomorrow night and I guess the other two were just a waste of money. That will teach me though. Hopefully.

Daily Digest

Sleep: 7 hours. Okayish. Medidate: Just a few minutes in the evening. Hydrate: Not too bad. Steps: ~ 3500. Read: Nothing really except Twitter and some other online sites. Watched: Some vintage “Gilmore Girls”. Some “The Good Fight” and “Knives Out!”

Positivity 2020

The fact that I bought the Frank Turner lockdown merch in a bigger size than usual, which helps in two ways: Having merch at the moment that fits, but also motivates me to get back into shape for the old merch when gigs will be back next year. ★ “Knives Out”. Soooooo good. ★ Being in a strangely optimistic mood now at the end of this post. Can’t explain it, but I’ll take it.

27.06.2020 | “I’m Far From Perfect, I’m Still Tense”

Day 2. I have to admit, I’m still not quite comfortable with using the same design here as for the old blog, but damn, it’s hard to find another simple one, with a nice font and not too many gadgets. I’ll keep looking so there might be a more changes around here at some point.

The day is almost over now and it feels like I’ve pretty much wasted the day away. I’m torn between feeling bad about that (lazy, unproductive etc.), but I also justify it with my obvious need for chilling out and recuperating after a busy week. I’ve always had a bit of that tendency. Being back at the office and in the swing of things more and more seems to still take some kind of toll of me. I slept for almost nine hours, which felt wonderful.

I started the day somewhat energized with a trip to the supermarket, where I once again caught myself being overly tense about the person in the queue behind me. He wasn’t crowding in on me (wasn’t 6 feet away either), he was wearing a mask – in the correct way – so there shouldn’t have been any reason for me to get uneasy. I first typed “anxious” but deleted that, because I wasn’t. Not really. But not as relaxed as I usually would have been either. And that freaked me out a little bit.

Self-centered rant coming up [I know my ‘problems’ are tiny compared to the real deal of COVID deaths and sickness and job loss and family trouble and all]. Besides all the wonderful things I’m missing out on – gigs, movies, theatre, hanging out with friends – I think what’s bothering me most about the pandemic is how much it has changed me, even though I’m not directly affected in any way. I’ve become even more of a ‘hermit’ than I used to be. I’m (still) getting anxious and uneasy much quicker and much easier than I used to. I’ve become even less focused and motivated to ‘do stuff’ than I used to. I’m glad that with the decline in of infection cases nd the easing of regulations in my part of the world, I’m obviously less stressed about the course of this pandemic in general for the time being. You should have seen me bitch to guy in the supermarket who wanted to squeeze past me without any social distancing a few weeks back. So maybe I’m not doing so bad after all. But I still feel too thinskinned for my own good.

No real point to this post yet, I’m afraid. I spend a lovely hour or so (absorbed in my book) on my mum’s patio this afternoon. Until fat drops of water hit me. I guess being absorbed in my book made me miss the rain clouds moving in. It didn’t rain for long or heavily though, but by the time it ended it was time for me to head home anyway.

The whole heat / tunderstorm atmosphere is weighing on my mind. Quite literally as in feeling some kind of pressure inside my head. I’ve also got my period, so that doesn’t help mood and health wise either. 

There was another thought or line of thinking I wanted to share, but I can’t remember what on earth that was at the moment.

Daily Digest

Sleep: 9 hours. Yes! Meditate: Early afternoon. Daily Calm: Grounding. [Calm is my go-to meditation app, I should mention that]. Hydrate: Okayish. Sweets & Snacks: A bit of chocolate. An icecream sundae. [I purposefully did not stock up during my supermarket trip, as I obviously lack self-control to have them in the house.] Read: A bit of SZ (app). Bit of “Porcrastination Equation”. More of “Take a Hint, Dani Brown”. Watched: Vintage Gilmore Girls during breakfast. Frank Turner. (see below)

Positivity

Frank Turner on stage (online IVL gig from Thursday) without a crowd, but still… ☆ Icecream. ☆ Chilling out with a book in the sun for a while (before the rain).

After the rain…

26.06.2020 | “Rejoice, Rebuild…”

So, here I am again. Not quite sure what to write in this first post. Will it set the tone for the rest? Should it set the tone for the rest? I probably should have postponed the whole “relaunch” or “re-invention” thing till tomorrow, when I’m a bit less tired. But I was too hyped about it and wanted to get going. Even in a tiny way. 

I’m not dealing all that well with the current heat wave here in Germany and it’s only been a few days so far. Anything above 25 °C (or 28 °C if there is a bit of a breeze) is dragging me down. I’d like to blame my MS, but I think I’ve never been a fan of the higher temperatures. The thunderstorms supposedly coming in tomorrow don’t help with my physical and mental state. If that’s what it is. I’m also PMSing (too much information? Oops. Sorry, not sorry), which might be the real cause for me feeling a bit icky. 

Elsewhere I already mentioned a bit of why I’m starting over and I can’t be bothered to say much more about it at the moment. To be honest, basically, because I still haven’t quite figured out my need and drive to start over. For now it feels good to be here and to do this. It will be a work in progress though until I’ve figured out how to best use this space.

Daily Digest

Meditate: Sort of. Not a guided one via the Calm app, but still trying to focus on my breath and nothing else, for the first few minutes after I woke up before the alarm. Hydrate: Sadly not enough, especially in this weather. Steps:  ~ 3.500.  Snacks et al. Well… A bar of chocolate at my mum’s. Pizza for dinner, because I was too lazy to cook. More pieces of chocolate now as the evening progressed than I proably should have . Reading: A few chapters of “Take A Hint, Dani Brown” (Talia Hibert). Chores: Nope. Focus: 6/10. (as in “mostly all right” . I think this prompt might need a bit of work. I first thought I’d call it procrastination, because that’s more of my problem, but it’s hard to do a proper scale for that). 

Positivity 2020

A coworker complimented the top I was wearing. It wasn’t anything special, but she said the colour suited me. ☆ Two days without an alarm ahead. ☆ This new space. ☆  Felix Friday:  Always such a joy!

Felix Friday - Felix Hagan singing
Felix Friday – my favourite evening of the week

 

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