10.09.2023 | “When You’re Out There Searching Don’t Decide What You Will Find”

Lyrics: “Be More Kind”, Frank Turner, 2018

This was a bit of a weird week for me. A bit lackluster (I blame the heat), a bit insightful, lots of rest, which I obviously needed. Something I had high(er) hopes for turned out a bit underwhelming and I don’t know if it really was or if I was just too hyped up about it. Another thing I was starting to dread and worry about and was in the process of postponing till next week, turned out fine. The lyric I picked as a title holds true for both, I guess: I need to not build things up in my head so much in advance in either way. Though I have to say I’m glad I’m handling failed expectations much better than I would a few years ago. Progress.

Zentangle | The thing that helps me get out of my head and into the moment these days definitely is doodling and colouring.

Picture of a page filled with small triangles, coloured in a variety of colours from red, orange, yellow, shades of green and blue
Rainbow Tangle #01

It really helps me to stay focused on the moment and what I’m doing in that moment and not think / worry about stuff from the past or the future. It also helps to practice being kind / forgiving to myself, when a tangle I worked on turns out a bit messy and not 100% the way I had hoped for. It’s still fine. No reason to beat myself up about it. I do need to watch out though, that I don’t use this to procrastinate too much on other stuff. I know I have the tendency to do that.

Late Summer | It’s been close to 30 °C around here this week and I’m not a fan. Not in general and not in September! I ran some errands yesterday morning and was so glad when I was back home indoors around noon. This morning I went for a run around 08:30 and it was ok, but again, I was glad when I got back home. Indoors. A part of me thinks “I should go out and enjoy the sunshine, before autumn/winter/darkness sets in.” That part also tries to make me feel guilty / wrong / weird for not doing that, but instead stay inside with the blinds closed for most of the day. It’s hard to work against what I think others consider “normal” thinking: The sun is shining. Let’s be outside! And then I remember how much I didn’t like the few hours I was outside yesterday morning doing things. But shutting up that critical inner voice is still hard work sometimes.

Health Check-Up | I went to my regular “over 40 check-up” this week. Everything is good so far, I still will continue to take iron supplements for a while longer, but the rest of the bloodwork was fine. The urine sample came back with signs of some infection though. Even the 2nd one, which I was asked for to make sure it wasn’t a contamination in the sample. A bit weird, because I don’t notice any of the common signs of a bladder infection. I took a special antibiotic yesterday and will have it checked out again in a week.

Thoughts on news | I have those. Quite a bit and sometimes I wonder if I should take the time and write them down here. But I don’t have a clear answer / solution for the various issues that are on my mind. Other people express a lot of what I’m thinking that so much better / faster / eloquently. Random collection of the issues at hand:

  • Climate crisis and everything involved (why I’m disappointed with my government, how much I sympathize with young people protesting and more).
  • The rise of right-wing / fascist parties or persons in Germany and basically everywhere else.
  • That according to a new study fathers say they want to be more involved in raising their children, but they clearly aren’t yet.
  • How during budget discussion in parliament several politicians stated “now that Covid is basically over” while my GP and a friend who works in the health sector tell me about how they see cases rising again.
  • The horrible news from Morocco.  

Travel plans | The first bookings (in progress) for 2024: a few days in London at the end of February. To see Operation Mincemeat once (or twice) more. Again. What can I say? I’m a fangirl. Booked one show definitely yet and the Eurostar. I’ll tend probably book a Travelodge a bit outside the centre again, because for the same price I get a king size bed there instead of the single one in the city centre. Comfort matters. But that’s not decided yet, there is still time. 

Privilege | Another issue that is on my mind a bit every now and then. How privileged I am to be able to just plan a vacation for next year. Time and money wise and all that.

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