18.03.2023 | “We Spent Our Energy Getting Angry Instead of Being Kinder”

Lyrics: “Little Changes” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

Intro | My waking hours on this Saturday are about two thirds over [when I started writing this several hours ago] and I only managed to do a few of the things I had vaguely planned to get done today. I’m doing my best to not let that drag me down. I’m also not going to list all the things I have not done / have done instead now, because no one wants to read that, right? At least I wouldn’t want that.

After I had typed the previous paragraph two more hours passed as I let myself get even more distracted. Mostly by more detailed planning of various trips and outings I will be doing this year. Which is nice and all, but NOT what I had set out to do today. The upside is, that I got a bit of that planning done. It’s still been a bit of weird day.

Negativity | When you’ve been following me here or on any of my social media over a span of time, you might have noticed that I tend to worry a lot. Tend to see the glass half empty more often than half full. Notice the negative much more than the positive in any aspect / event of my life. I’ve been working on that and I feel like I’m doing much better than I was doing about a year or two ago. One evening this week I attended an informal meet-up with some of my fellow local Greens. Most of them are 10-15 years older than me. I’ve known most of them for 20 years now. We’re not super close but get along usually.

The thing I noticed that evening though was the constant negativity about so many things from all of them. Part of it is due to the fact that we are in opposition on the local council, so our ideas or demands are most often voted down. But even when it wasn’t about that and just more or less about random everyday topics, it felt like all the others did was complain or criticize or moan, with a tad of gossiping as well. It seemed like there wasn’t anything constructive going on in their mind. I started wondering, if they / we’ve always conducted our gatherings in this way? Did it change over time? As we/they got older ? Will I be one of those doing nothing but complain and moan some time soon? I hope not!

Books | One of the distractions mentioned above was going through my “want-to-read” list on Goodreads and moved books to a “maybe read someday” list to make it more manageable. I think I might need to cull two from that “maybe list” for every single new book I put on the “want to read” list. Or any book I buy at a shop / online without even having it put on any list first. I know, I know that’s a decadent first world problem. I don’t want to write about “real” problems here though. This is still my happy place, with a bit of mental health therapy dropped in from time to time.

Tiny part of my bookshelf
A few of my “to read” books on the shelf

Anyway, books: While going through those various lists I came across two books I had bought, but not read yet from writers I’ve usually enjoyed in the past. In both instances I hadn’t been in the mood, when the books came out in 2021. One book deals with character death and the other one with a parent that’s getting old and sick and needs care. It was the year my Mum had gotten so sick suddenly and needed care and ultimately passed away. It was such a difficult and emotional time and I was not in the mood to read about anyone going through something similar. I put a lot of YA / contemporary romance / non-fiction on my list in that year, let me tell you.

This week I finally read one of those and I very much enjoyed the plot and the characters and the writing and it was such a relief to be able to do that. The memory of the horribleness (is that a word) of that year is fading. Memories of my Mum and moments of grief come and go, but it’s not debilitating me in my everyday life – like choice of book – as much anymore. I’m glad I’ve reached that stage.

By the way, the book I’ve read was Mhairi’s McFarlane “Last Night”; here is my review. The book I’ll finally feel up to reading is “The Heart Principle” by Helen Hoang.

God That’s Brilliant | Yesterday after work at the office I wanted to at least stretch my legs a bit. In the morning I had considered going for a longer walk/hike, but when the time came I knew I actually wanted to get home and lay down for a nap. So a 45 minutes walk near my office was a compromise. I knew at some point during the day the first official cast recording of a “Operation Mincemeat” song would be dropped, so I had packed my earphones in the morning, just in case. And yes, it is possible to listen to “God That’s Brilliant” for over a dozen times while walking around this lake. Trust me, I’ve proven it 🙂

At the lake, March 2023
Walk around a lake

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