One of these days there might be a post with more complex content. Today is not the day. I don’t even quite know what happened. I slept alright, went to work at the office. Drove home and halfway I hit the wall of exhaustion for no apparent reason. Dehydration sometimes does that to me, but I drank enough water today. Might be hormones; it’s that time of the month. TMI? Sorry. Not sorry.
Work | Is ok. I’m still not used to being in charge much more than before. I can handle it. I’m not sure if I like it though. There also is one task / project, which seems complicated and a bit annoying, because I will for a while possibly disappoint other people we usually work well with together. [Are these words in the right order? usually work with together well ? I don’t know. My brain is a bit fried]. I’m postponing starting with this task and then I feel bad about it and then I dread it all even more. There is a reason I’m talking to a therapist every other week.
Comparing / Judging | I’m doing a bit better with not comparing myself with other as much as I did before. As I’m always convinced I loose in every comparison to everyone, that is a good thing. But recently I catch myself doing it more and more again. Or maybe all the long buried internalised criticism is coming to light more and more. I don’t know. But it’s hard to compare myself and to not imagine what others might think of how I do things. Any thing. In any aspect of my life.
I recently was reminded of how my first self-hosted blog was set up with the “Choose to Be Me” title, because that was a song I loved at the time and a sentiment I wanted to live up to. “Choose to be me, to be free, to be my way.” I’m so not there yet. I’ve taken some steps, but “being my way” and being ok with it and not trying to imagine what others might think is still a struggle sometimes. Yes I know how complicated that line of thinking sounds: “try to imagine what others might think”. So many maybes and sadly in my case these maybes often turn into a negative. I’m working on it.
Twitter | A few days ago I finally (hopefully) deleted the Twitter App from my phone for good. I try to only have a look at my three remaining lists and maybe sometime scroll through the “Following” tab, when I’m accessing the Twitter website on my computers. If I can’t be bothered to boot either device I sometimes log into Twitter via the website on my phone, but always also log out again. I don’t look at Mastodon much more either. I still prefer the vibe on Mastodon over Twitter these days, but all in all, I try to limit it. Now I only need to be equally successful with Instagram. I thought about going the same “only on the computer” way with, but there the feed is so messed up. Or rather I only see the feed on Insta which they want me to see, whereas on the phone app there is the “followed by you” tab, which means I only see those accounts. At least I haven’t figured out a way how to access that setting while on the Instagram website.
The End | There is one more item in my “write about that tidbits” list, but I can’t be bothered today anymore. Can’t be bothered to find a photo to feature here either. I need sleep. And it’s only been Wednesday. Two more days to go… *sigh*