28.12.2022 | “What To Say in My Defence? I Was Imperfect, Tense…”

Lyrics: “Get Better” ~ Frank Turner, 2015

Activity | I’ve been such a lazy, inactive person these past few months. Years even. I can’t bring myself to start a proper workout routine a la My Peak Challenge yet, but at least I’m determined to try to get out more. Just walk / hike. It’s a start at least. After the walk on the rail trail I was determined to try something with some small elevation gain. Working up to more bit by bit. And to be honest to get a feel for my level of fitness and of any potentially lingering physical limitations after having had COVID. So far it all feels fine. A bit out of shape, but just in the general sense, not a illness aftermath kind of way. I’ve also been testing out clothes combinations, layers and such for similar hill walking in Scotland in May, where it might be not as summery yet. That also worked fine today.

6.5 km with lots of photos stops, because why the hell not. Even if the weather was gloomy. December, right…?

Books Today | The end of chapter 11 and half of chapter 12 of the audiobook of Gabor Mate’s “The Myth of Normal”, a non-fiction about what trauma of all kinds and stress and modern day living does to our physical and psychological health. A bit too scientific sometimes maybe and I’m not sure I agree with all his findings, but it’s interesting enough.

I’m also about halfway through  “Under the Whispering Door” (by TJ Klune) and still enjoy it quite a bit. I was afraid I couldn’t handle the whole death talk very well, but so far I’m doing fine.

Haven’t read a single page of the “The Boundless Sea” today or even this week yet. I need to get into some kind of (morning?) routine if I want to keep going with this, I think. I want to keep reading, because once I’m reading I’m often fascinated, by what I learn. It’s just the starting that I find difficult. Any ideas?

Errands | Haven’t done as many as I had planned so far. But a few at least. Step by step, right? I did a proper purge of clothes from the backs of my closet. Three bags from me plus three even bigger ones of clothes from my late mum. Not in my closet obviously, but hers, which sat abandoned in the family home for over a year now. My brothers had already donated many of the clothes (sleepwear, trousers and such) to the local charity shop. I now drove all the stuff (winter coats, jackets, blouses, blazers…) over to a bigger one in the next town. Going through and giving away her things felt easier than I feared. But maybe I’m just repressing my emotions a bit? Which leads me to the next prompt…

Restlessness | I don’t want to call it “Anxiety”, because that is such a clinical term and can be a proper clinical issue in a lot of cases. I just felt all over the place yesterday. Couldn’t quite decide what to do and how to do it and started and stopped a few things and just… urgh! Mediation helped a bit. And in the end I also decided to go for colouring to calm me down. Colouring by numbers, yes, because I knew that choosing which colours to use would stress me out more than I needed? Does that sound a bit bonkers? So be it. I’m glad that I seem to realize, when my mind starts to spiraling down a bit and how to stop it.

Colouring Book with a "Bee Happy" drawing and 12 colour pencils
Colour by numbers…

Sleep | A recurring prompt by now. Sleep is still a bit erratic these days. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour (for vacation time), but then I still stay up reading a bit. And unfortunately I often have a bit of trouble actually falling asleep after. And it’s not even worrying thoughts or emotions that keep me awake then. It’s a bit weird. I hope I’m over it next week, when I’m going back to work.

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