23.10.2022 | “There’s a Dread Deep Down in Our Bones”

Lyrics: “The Lifeboat” – Frank Turner, 2018

Yesterday I was so sure, that I was on the way to recovery and ready to go back to work tomorrow. I might still go to the office tomorrow, depending on how the night will be. I don’t know. The snot is back and I hate it. TMI? Maybe, I don’t care. I will have a chamomile steam bath tonight and hopefully manage an early night and enough sleep.

The one thing, i.e. thoughts and emotions, that trouble and bother me most, because I can’t quite figure out, where they stem from, is the guilt I feel for getting sick. Crazy, right? Because I did the best I could to not catch it and it was just shit timing to be where I’ve been two weeks ago. But I feel like I’ve let down my colleagues and boss and the projects which had a deadline, we’ve now surely missed. Or maybe not and my bosses managed to get it finished either way. I don’t know. I shouldn’t care so much, because I’m sick and that’s not my fault. But I do worry and beat myself up for getting sick at the most inopportune time. As if there ever was a good time to be off sick from work. But still: not my fault! And I don’t really believe anyone will blame me for it. Just myself, obviously.

Welcome to my messed up mind, worrying too much since…. well, as long as I remember actually.

Not much more to tell about my day today. I had cake, because it’s Bro3’s birthday. We didn’t eat it together, because he was out, but I sneaked some out of his home anyway. I’ve been watching lots of “Madame Secretary” in the background while making tentative plans for Scotland next summer. Well, not really plans yet, more research about car rental and accommodations prices and all that. I haven’t really made up my mind if I want to go on a memory lane tour and visit places I’ve been before and enjoyed. Or check out places I haven’t been before. Or a mix of both. Decisions, decisions. I’ve still got time.

Here is one of my favourite photos from a trip a few years back…

Loch Cairnbawn, Scotland, Summer 2016
Loch Cairnbawn, Scotland, Summer 2016

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *