flounder verb
1. [intransitive, transitive] to struggle to know what to say or do or how to continue with something
2. [intransitive] to have a lot of problems and to be in danger of failing completely
While I was reading “The Dictionary of Lost Words” I was once again reminded how much I enjoy the English language. There are so many beautiful words. Frank Turner has also been good at introducing me to some of them. Or if not introducing me to them, to appreciate them a bit more because he put them in beautiful context lyrically. Like “flounder”, which I seem to be doing a lot lately. Still. Again. Whatever…
What bothers me most at the moment is that it feels like there’s a gray filter on everything. The good things feel nice, but not great. At least the bad things don’t feel worse than they do. It all feels a bit “meh, I don’t care”, which is not a good state to live in. Because I should care and in some regards I need to care. But it’s a struggle to actually do sometimes. I don’t know of that makes any sense.
To spruce up my life a bit I do “crazy” things. Spending two nights away in a city just an hour drive away, because I want a change of scenery. That worked quite well to be honest, at least I kept myself busy and didn’t spend too much time “in my head”. Crazy thing #2 these days? Getting up at 3 in the morning to watch a live stream from the US? Just because I can to be honest.
To keep my mind in a better headspace I’m also determined to write down all the good things that happen during a day or the things I do well (as in do at all sometimes). Every tiny little bit, because it also is the little things that matter, right? I often forget that as well..
This feels like a bit of a proxy post. Not much content really. But at post nonetheless. Posting more often is one of the things I try to do. I probably wouldn’t have felt motivated later in the day to do this, so I’m multitasking this early morning….
