12.06.2022 | “I’m Sick And Tired of Being Sick and Tired”

Lyrics: “Be More Kind” – Frank Turner, 2018

The title says it all basically. I’m so fed up by this weird mood / funk / depressive episode (I still have a bit of a hard time to actually use that term) I’m currently living in. And I wish I could just snap out of it and change the way I feel and the way things make me feel. Or not feel. The not feeling is even worse than the feeling. Though if it’s dread and worry, the not feeling is fine. I’m a bit of a mess. Still. For a while longer I think. At least I know that this is just a phase – hopefully. That there are things I can (try to) do about it. Unfortunately it also means that the doing part often feels like such a drag.

Step by step, I guess. Yesterday I spent out with friends and their children and I had a lovely time, distracted by good talks and playing with the little ones or rather accompanying or watching the little ones. I didn’t play all that much, but that’s fine. I helped out where I was needed which was very much appreciated and of course made me feel quite good.

Today I sat outside with some of my neighbours with cake and coffee for quite a bit and that was nice as well. We talked about vacations and families and stuff and it was lovely. Once we ventured into more of a social / political territory, it became obvious that we don’t agree on everything and that always make me feel awkward for a variety of reasons. I don’t want to rock the boat with arguing against their opinion. I often don’t feel confident enough to argue my point, which I know is a bit lame. We managed to steer away from that after a while and had a lovely time.

The rest of the evening was spent with a bit of work for … work. Ugh! Something I didn’t manage to finish during office hours, but I want to present a first rough draft of a paper to my supervisor, so we can discuss it before I flesh it out. But that’s finished now as well, which means I can now make some dinner, read a bit, go to bed. Get enough rest for the new week.

Three more weeks till I’m off for my annual summer leave and I can’t wait! In about 4 weeks I’ll be back here… 😉

Beach Ameland
Beach on Ameland, Netherlands September 2020

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