23.05.2022 | “When It Feels Like Life Weighs Ten Thousand Tonnes…”

Lyrics: I Am Disappeared – Frank Turner, 2011

I’m having an absolutely crappy, gloomy, dark day today. From the start and I don’t even know what brought that on. Partly the lack of sleep probably. But even the few hours of sleep I got after the gig were restless for some reason. My head is all over the place today. The working hours passed alright, though I wasn’t as focused and “productive” (I hate that word) as I should have been. Or as I would have wanted to be.

I lost focus of the tiny things. Like the laundry stuck in the washer hours after it was finished. I didn’t keep hydrate well enough. Always turns me into a grumpy human being. I think of so many things – ranging from insignificant to important – I know I should be doing / starting and then still inertia and overwhelmedness (it’s not a word, I know, but I can’t be bothered to think of something better right now) sets in and I didn’t start doing any of those things. Some other tough. Ugh!

I am so tempted to skip the local Greens meeting tonight, but I already skipped the last one and I need to talk about the committee meeting at which I need to represent the Greens next week, so I really should / need to go. But I don’t want and it’s making me even more grumpy.

I thought about just putting all those thoughts down in an analogue journal, but couldn’t even be bothered to do that or rather thought: Wasn’t that one of the reasons you re-activated this space for? I don’t know, if anyone wants to read this all. I don’t care either way though. At least I put it down somewhere…

Thoughts that definitely contributed to the gloom today? Coming back to some things my therapist said about my mum and me last week. I don’t think I feel ready to share *that* line of thinking just now, but let me tell you it’s a spiral down the dark well, because of course one thoughts leads to the next and so forth. Too bad it’s a public holiday on Thursday so no therapy for me though I think I would have a lot to unpack this week.

After spreading the gloom here, I’ll now have a bite to eat, get ready to head out to the Greens meeting and hopefully get some more and better sleep after that tonight.

Loch Linnhe, 2016
Loch Linnhe, Scotland 2016 – the most gloomy photo I found here on short notice

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