16.05.2022 | “The Truth Is I Don’t Like People All That Much…”

Lyrics: Once We Were Anarchists, – Frank Turner, 2007

Politics | I don’t know if it’s due to the gloomy mood I’ve been finding myself in more often than not these days. Or if I’m really just generally fed up and lost interest in some parts of it. If I’m worn out or overwhelmed by it. Whatever it is, I’m really not as interested in it all. Reading about it. Discussing it. Doing it! I’ve been active in local politics for two decades now and I’m a bit tired. I don’t know why. I don’t know if I need to know why. My mind is a bit of a mess about it, it seems.

This weekend I also realized once again that the other active people in my local party and I don’t have all that much in common. Our political aims and such of course and the work we do, but that’s about it. We don’t have to be friends, but I think it would be easier for me to get more motivated if the people I work along with were people I’d like to spend more time with even when it’s not about politics. It doesn’t have to be that way of course, but it might help? I don’t know…. Like I said, a bit of a mess. I skipped the weekly meeting tonight, because I feel a bit under the weather (likely caused by the storm which had passed through just now). Not as bad that I couldn’t have gone to the meeting. But on the other hand, I couldn’t really be bothered….

On state level my Greens did splendidly in the election yesterday. I’m happy about that. But also watch it with a detached view from afar. Ugh! Maybe it’s just life and after two decades of being active in politics it’s time to step back a bit? I don’t know.

Grief | It comes in waves again. Maybe not even grief as such, but the memories and the regrets and the guilt. When I drove back home from a gig last night for the strangest reason memories popped up from when the first days my mum had been back in her home after the long stays in hospital and short term care and rehab. And how much we all had to learn and adjust and how tense we all were with each other and overwhelmed. And how I think we all didn’t how to talk about it and thus we bitched and yelled and ugh, it was horrible. At least in hindsight now it feels horrible and I felt and still feel so guilty for not having been calmer. Not having been more understanding. Not having been… the good daughter I was supposed to be maybe? I know this is not a helpful line of thinking, but I can’t help it, that was the memory that popped up. Something to unpack in therapy this week maybe?

Earlier today I read something for work about the effects of climate change – the storms, the floods and all which also mentioned the horrible events here last summer, where so many people died and so much damage and loss happened. And the next memory popped up from driving to visit my mum in the rehabilitation centre 2-3 hours drive away. When on of the first drives I saw quite a lot of the damage still. It’s weird how the mind works….

Entertainment | I’m very much enjoying the 2nd book in the “Thursday Murder Club” crime / mystery series. It’s so much darker than the first one, I think, but I still enjoy it a lot, as it’s told with the same detached, hilarious points of views than the first one.

I’ve also been to another gig – not Frank Turner this time. Tim Vantol, a singer/songwriter from the Netherlands. He sings in English, has been living in Germany for a while now and puts on such a great show with his band. It was lots of fun. So much fun in fact that I’ll do it all again in Cologne in a few days. One of the reasons I’ll do that is that Tim talked very vividly about how much of a setback the last two years have been for the whole touring industry and especially for all those mid-sized and smaller acts, who make their living on the road. How much it hurt their whole enterprise that so many of the crew had to find other jobs in the last two years. Jobs which they have settled in by now. More or less secure jobs. Which is great for them, but sucks for the touring industry. So…. I bought another ticket. I will buy a drink at the venue and do my little bit to keep / get the whole thing going again.

Tim Vantol, Münster, May 2022
So much fun to see Tim and Eddie have fun on stage

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