I don’t really have figured out a grown-up way to deal with difficult emotions it seems. I don’t know, maybe I’m exaggerating. This morning I got out of bed to get my cellphone from the kitchen, because I’ve got two more new interviews / podcasts with Frank Turner saved on it to listen to. Back in bed, I checked my mails first and saw one I had missed yesterday, which sort of cancelled something I had hoped would / could happen in the next few weeks. Details are not important here. I knew it was a long shot, but I was still a bit crushed and had a bit of cry in bed. Ugh! So emotional these days, I really don’t like that about myself.
And typical me I made it all about me as well, like of course it won’t work out because it’s me. Totally ignoring that it’s won’t work out for anyone else either. It’s me, me, me all the time these days. It’s pathetic. This afternoon I got another mail which mostly softened or even made up for this setback, but it was still a weird, grumpy morning.
What to do? I tried journalling for a bit. Meditation. All fine and well and I’m honestly not too crushed about that little setback. But what to do to overcome feeling grumpy and a bit sad? Spend some money, of course! Not the healthiest way to deal with it, but at that point I didn’t care. And it’s not spent uselessly. Do I need a new lense for my camera right now? No. Will I make good use of it, when I have it? Yes! At least I hope so and I plan to. But with a 3rd lense in my kit I really needed a bigger bag for it all as well. Online shopping is such a pitfall for people with little self-control.
Anyway, it all did make me feel a bit better by noon, so I decided to get out of my wallowing state and head out with my regular zoom lense to a neighbouring town to just walk around a bit and maybe do some street photography. Buildings and such. I didn’t actually take all that many photos but was glad I got out of the house and was a bit active for a while. Little changes…
Four more days of work till I’m off for a week and still so much to do, it seems. But then: Easter. The first without my mum which will feel weird. Then two Frank Turner gigs, where I have no idea how I will feel around crowds again. But I hope I can enjoy the show and it will be lovely to see some music friends again after such a long break. The day after that I will travel to the UK for a few days. HOLY SHIT! That hasn’t really sunken in yet, I’m afraid. Travelling abroad. The first time since… well you all know when. Not quite true, I have been to the Netherlands in September 2020 for a week. But I drove there in my own car and had an apartament on my own, whereas this time I will travel by train for most of the distance, stay with friends and in a hotel for one night.
I’ll be fine, right? Right…. *deep breath* No need to get anxious way ahead of time.
Here is a photo from this afternoon. I can’t bother with a segue, sorry 🙂