27.01.2022 | Exhausted, Part… Whatever

Sleep | I’ve reached the weird state where I go to bed early, because I’m knackered and then I sleep for 6-7 hours and wake up early-ish. And the then long day makes me tired early again. Vicious cycle, but it’s only one more day till the weekend where I hopefully can catch up on more sleep and maybe get back into a more “normal” rhythm.

Work | Another day with lots of different projects. Phone and video calls. Not sure if we are really moving forward as fast as we should, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. It’s all a bit much to be honest. I’m usually okay with sometimes feeling like I’m not up for the job. Like Frank put it so well in one of his new songs:

Don’t you ever wake up and suspect
That you were simply never cut out to be
The kind of person they expect

It’s just a lot of times I feel like that there days.

Worrier | This all neatly fits into my constant state of worrying a lot these days. Rightfully maybe about some things. Definitely way too much about others. It’s exhausting. I can almost feel how it drains my energy. (And here I wonder why I’m in bed early every night).

Grief | I miss my mum. Not necessarily in a visceral, my heart is breaking kind of way, as we’ve never had such a close, emotional bond, as I’ve mentioned here before. But we were on good terms and she was my mum and she was such a constant presence in my life, because we lived close to each other. I used to drop by every few days and tell her about my day and listen to what she had to say and chat and talk and just…. I don’t know. The last year of which she spent most of in hospitals and nursing homes, changed that routine of course. But I think back to the easy going way we lived our lives. In a matter-of-fact way. And that ended. I drop by my brothers now every once in a while, but not as often and not as regular. And they are away skiing this week anyway. Maybe I’m just feeling lonely.

There had been another thought I wanted to share with you, but I don’t remember that now. Thank God it’s almost Friday…

Random beach photo from my blog gallery, because it makes me feel better….

Beach Ameland
Beach on Ameland, Netherlands September 2020

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