27.01.2022 | Exhausted, Part… Whatever

Sleep | I’ve reached the weird state where I go to bed early, because I’m knackered and then I sleep for 6-7 hours and wake up early-ish. And the then long day makes me tired early again. Vicious cycle, but it’s only one more day till the weekend where I hopefully can catch up on more sleep and maybe get back into a more “normal” rhythm.

Work | Another day with lots of different projects. Phone and video calls. Not sure if we are really moving forward as fast as we should, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. It’s all a bit much to be honest. I’m usually okay with sometimes feeling like I’m not up for the job. Like Frank put it so well in one of his new songs:

Don’t you ever wake up and suspect
That you were simply never cut out to be
The kind of person they expect

It’s just a lot of times I feel like that there days.

Worrier | This all neatly fits into my constant state of worrying a lot these days. Rightfully maybe about some things. Definitely way too much about others. It’s exhausting. I can almost feel how it drains my energy. (And here I wonder why I’m in bed early every night).

Grief | I miss my mum. Not necessarily in a visceral, my heart is breaking kind of way, as we’ve never had such a close, emotional bond, as I’ve mentioned here before. But we were on good terms and she was my mum and she was such a constant presence in my life, because we lived close to each other. I used to drop by every few days and tell her about my day and listen to what she had to say and chat and talk and just…. I don’t know. The last year of which she spent most of in hospitals and nursing homes, changed that routine of course. But I think back to the easy going way we lived our lives. In a matter-of-fact way. And that ended. I drop by my brothers now every once in a while, but not as often and not as regular. And they are away skiing this week anyway. Maybe I’m just feeling lonely.

There had been another thought I wanted to share with you, but I don’t remember that now. Thank God it’s almost Friday…

Random beach photo from my blog gallery, because it makes me feel better….

Beach Ameland
Beach on Ameland, Netherlands September 2020

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

Close