26.01.2022 | Twenty-First Century Survival Blues

A songs for these times | Whenever that song came up on my Frank Turner shuffle playlist recently, I thought how perfectly some of it describe my state of mind at the moment. The same goes for other songs from “Be More Kind” to be honest. And every time I listen to it I think “you should write a blog about it”. Or at least just quote the relevant lyrics and let everyone else let make up their own mind about it.

I’ve got the Twenty-First Century survival blues,
A condition brought on by watching the news.
Things have been quiet for far too long,
And if I know human beings, things are going to go wrong.

I try to limit my news intake these days. I admit most I get from – reliable sources like established, publicly funded news accounts – on Twitter these days. Reading some reports on trustworthy news sites. From public radio sometimes when I’m in my car. I’m definitely consuming less news than pre-pandemic. I’m fed up and I’m tired and it’s just so depressing. And yes a lot of this has to do with how other people – those in charge and some regular ones – handle or not handle the pandemic.

We were raised in a glade of unsustainable peace;
Not many of us ever had to live on our knees.

I sometimes read how anti-vaxxers et al complain that they are suppressed and Germany is a dictatorship now and I can only shake my head, because they clearly have NO idea.

And I’m scared that I won’t have the strength that it takes
To stand up when the levee breaks.

The broken levee in my understanding here the whole messed-up handling from any German government. I sometimes think, we should protest more about. To demand they implement better and safer measures. That they stand up more to the anti-vaxxers. But as the levee is also consider the by now real possibility of more unrest in my town or anywhere close by. Would I join in a counter-protest? I don’t know to be honest. I’m just so fucking tired of it all…

[….] We could barricade the door and we’d be safe inside.
When the harsh winds blow, and the world gets cold,

Yeah, that’s my strategy these days. Hunker down. Wait and pray for it to pass…

There are a few more lines in other songs from that album, like I said, but I can’t be bothered to quote those now as well.

Work | Was quite busy today with lots of long video calls. Productive in a way, but exhausting. Plus the constant feeling of being overwhelmed and being in over my head. But at least it kept my mind busy and occupied and I couldn’t spend too much time with worrying about other things. I also had to learn that one of my favourite (best, nicest) coworkers in another department will leave us and start working in a new job in another city in a few weeks. Ugh, that’s hard. They were always so helpful and cooperative and just a lovely person to work with. Big shoes to fill. But I get why they are leaving… and that’s all I’m saying.

Grief | Whenever I drive by the nursing home, where my mum lived at the end, I glance up to the room she had been in. It was the corner room on the street side on the 2nd floor. And then I see lights on and wonder who is occupying it at the moment and think how unfair it is, that my mum’s life had to end in that room in that way. Her long life had been full of various hardships already and she would have deserved an easier, quicker end. Just drop dead or just not wake up one morning or something like that. It would have been a shock for us and maybe harder to deal with, but at least she wouldn’t have had to suffer as much in the end. It’s neither the fault of the nursing home nor the room or the people living in it now, but I still get pissed off on my mum’s behalf whenever I pass by. Grief is weird.

Pic of the day | A friend in the UK texted lovely photos from a hill she had climbed today. Blue sky and all. Over here in the German lowlands it’s grey and grey and more grey. Cold as well. So here are memories of sunnier times in the UK. Times when I was in much better shape than I am right now as well…

View from Snowdon, Wales / UK, Summer 2018
View from Snowdon, Wales / UK, Summer 2018

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