17.01.2022 | “Before You Go Out Searching, Don’t Decide What You Will Find…”

Lyrics: “Be More Kind” ~ Frank Turner, 2018

At some point (in the old blog, possibly) I wrote a long post about how I need to try to not decide what I “find” in any interaction with other people. I should pull that post back out and read again. Maybe that will help. Because, oh Lord, I’m grumpy and bitchy so quickly these days. In complete “Shields up and defend” mode. DEFCON 1 and the likes in whatever way that manifests. For instance: There is a situation a bit difficult / complicated to handle at work and right away I think I’ve been at fault. And react pissy to the most ordinary suggestion. I can’t even explain it any better, but I hear myself being brusque, and notice how I roll my eyes about whatever my coworker tells me on the phone. Luckily I catch myself doing it quickly and hopefully adjust my behaviour accordingly and act more sensible and more kind. To myself as well. I don’t have to expect that everyone out there is trying to get the better of me. Or is working against me. Or has something against me…

Not much more to report otherwise today: I woke up long before my alarm and didn’t fall back to sleep for ages, so I re-set my alarm for later. Then still woke up around the originally set time and decided to do what I had set myself to do yesterday. Go for a short walk around the block before breakfast and work and all. Because when I work from home, I’m not as active as I should be. I need to get more steps in and I know I don’t do that after work. Especially when – like today – I work longer than planned and had a local Greens meeting in the evening as well. I had just enough time to rum some necessary errands in between. Busy, busy, busy, but all in all that’s good, so I can’t dwell in worrying thoughts too much.

I was supposed to travel to the UK this week to see Frank Turner on Friday and Operation Mincemeat on Saturday. The itinerary of the trip had changed a bit over the months of planning. Especially after I had learned that two of my brothers had scheduled their annual ski trip for next week as well. Thus it would have meant that only one of us four would be around to look after our mum in the nursing home. They always go this week, so they have dibs. And they rolled over that booking from last year anyway. So I had planned to cut my trip short to be home earlier. And then it became clear work would be crazy this week and then Omikron hit and the tour got cancelled and I wouldn’t have gone anyway. Still… I’m a bit melancholy and sad this week, because it’s another trip I had to cancel due to COVID (and other things, I know…).

Because I didn’t want to spend the weekend at home in my own boring apartment wallowing about missed gigs and theatre events, I decided – rather on a whim – to go somewhere else for the weekend. I picked Cologne, which is only an hour drive away and will offer me enough opportunities to do things. Maybe a bit of shopping – they have a LEGO store! Definitely will try some night time skyline photography. Weather permitting of course. Just stroll around camera in hand and snap photos. Basically what I did in October, just not in a hotel, but a serviced apartment, because I really didn’t want to spend time in a breakfast room with how many other people.

I’ll head out Friday after work for two nights and will meet a friend in another town for a walk on Sunday on my way back. Socializing in small dosage is all I can handle right now, I think. No idea how I would have handled a gig in the UK 🙂

"Kranhäuser" at night, Cologne, October 2021
“Kranhäuser” at night, Cologne, October 2021

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