Lyrics: “Imperfect Tense” ~ Frank Turner, 2008
I’m back home and seem to have brought that weird bout of whatever I was feeling a few days ago with me. I really don’t like myself much at the moment. *sigh* But I’m trying to establish some more routines or break out of bad / not so good habits. Postponing to write a blog post all day and then thinking “now it’s too late, I’ll do it tomorrow” is one of those. So here I go. With not much to tell though, really, but when has that ever stopped me?
The first Christmas without our mum went ok, I guess. We always used to do Christmas rather low key even when she was alive, so it wasn’t too big a change. She wasn’t an overly Christmas-sy person with lots of traditions either. But still… her chair was empty.
First Christmas without my mum. All siblings gather at her place regardless. Bro2 had planned to do traditional "cookie/chocolate" plates for all of us. But we can't find the (cardboard) Christmas plates we used for that for… decades. I bet our mum knew where she stored them 😔— Susanne D (@dennasus) December 24, 2021
Grief still is a very weird emotion. I feel like I still haven’t properly cried yet and I know I shouldn’t think about if this is bad or wrong or anything like that. It is what it is. By now the sadness and melancholy creeps up on me in tiny steps with glimpses of memories, that come up out of (seemingly) nowhere or when some older relatives get in touch after a while. It all still feels so very, very weird, I don’t have better words to explain it.
I’ve been mostly lazy over the last two days. Binge watching the complete new “Around the world in 80 days”, which was fun enough to watch, even though some of the events were rather ludicrous. As they were supposed to be, I guess. I got a bis wistful over the amount of international travelling they did in 80 days, whereas I haven’t been outside the country for 15 months and not off the continent (as in over in the UK) in almost two years now.
I finished reading a surprisingly good – as in more depth than expected – YA romance novel “If This Gets Out” and delved back into “Daisy Jones & The Six”. I enjoy that one to some extent; possibly because of my tiny insights into the “touring / making music as a living” life I got from being such a Frank Turner fangirl. I’m not sure yet I like the way the story is written / structured. I’ll keep reading for now though.
And I finally got back to reading some more of “Atomic Habits” in the whole “getting some more / better routines in my life”. Let’s see how that goes….
This weekend I also re-scheduled my Eurostar trip to the UK from January 2022 (Frank Turner gig in Cambridge and Operation Mincemeat musical in London) to April 2022 to visit a friend for a Big Birthday Bash. Fingers crossed this will still be happening. Today I also listened to a podcast with the Operation Mincemeat folks and mourned some more that I won’t be seeing the show on this run either. If it will be happening at all, but I hope for their sake that they can make it happen safely somehow.
Besides that I try to ignore most of the pandemic news at the moment. It’s just so so so depressing, Still. Again. Forever?
To cheer myself up a bit, here’s another photo from my recent vacation…