07.05.2021 | “Perilously close to the precipice…”

Lyrics: “The Gathering” ~ Frank Turner, 2021

Sleep | Glorious 8.5 hours. The right was to start my time off from work, right?

Coffee | Trying to cut down by consciously using my smaller french press (1,5 mugs) instead of the bigger one which gives me about 4. I often only drink 3, so I throw one out which feels a waste. Small steps.

Working out | Not so much since the one time early this week. *sigh* I was quite busy with work stuff and my mind wasn’t in the right place and I was often so so tired. I plan to go on a longer hike tomorrow though to make up for it. Now that I’ve put it down here, I can’t back out, can I ?

Books | I’m reading the glorious “The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue” by V.E. Schwab at the moment and I’m hooked in a way I haven’t been in a while. It’s part history / contemporary with a splash of fantasy – Addie makes a deal with the devil after all – and I love it. I don’t want it to end. I’m a bit anxious I might not like the end. I also ordered the first of Schwab’s “A Darker Shade of Magic” series, even though magic / fantasy isn’t something I usually read or at least haven’t read in long time. But with Addie LaRue I like Schwab’s writing a lot and thus though I’d give it a try.

Outlander | I’m still re-watching it not every day, but at least every other and then a few episodes in a row. I’ve reached Season 4 by now and I don’t remember if I actually ever watched that more than once. My interested had definitely waned a bit by then and some of the plot changes from the book annoyed me. I’m still not the biggest fan of those, but am now detached enough to enjoy it for the good TV show that it is. (Ask me again after that stupid stupid “Roger/Bree travel back” plot in Season 5 😉 ).

Social Media | I’ve managed to cut back on my use of it at least to some degree, by logging out of the Twitter app on my phone each time and thus make it more laborious to just “real quick post / check something”. And I think that’s definitely helping with my state of mind. I sometimes still get caught up in a thread on Twitter or Facebook, but luckily there often is a post early on which annoys me to no end and instead of dwelling on that or writing a reply and thus get involved, I just click away from that thread and log off. Last example this morning: “But he doesn’t play anywhere near where I live”. Ugh. Be grateful he plays any gigs at all this summer. Do you have any idea how difficult it probably was to put a set a gigs together under these circumstances? Be grateful, bitch! Phew, glad I got that out of my system here and not got in a fight on the internet ;-)!

Thoughts | Too many. Too many negative and anxious ones. At work and over work related things mostly. I worry so much. And I’m so sensitive and thin-skinned. Always feel like I’m on defense. And not just feeling like it, but acting like it as well and I really don’t like that about myself. I feel I’m not doing my job as well as I could / should / is expected of me. I don’t know. And that makes me even more defensive. I’m floundering and then I feel guilty for not doing the best I can or being the best I can, which in turn makes me bitchy. It’s a bit of an endless cycle and I’m glad I’ve got the time to step away from it for a few days now and… regroup. But yeah, these lines from Frank’s new song sum up my state of mind quite well…

Lyrics The Gathering, 2021

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