25.04.2021 | “Lately, I’ve been feeling kind of fragile”

Lyrics: “Faithful Son” ~ Frank Turner, 2009

It’s been a weird couple of days again. Feeling properly overwhelmed with work stuff. Being overly sensitive and emotional in a way that made me feel like I was being criticised with every tiny interaction, work-wise mostly. Always looking for a fault on my side. Being close to tears too often and without cause.

On the other hand I think I might just need a good proper cry and howl about the dreadful times we live through at the moment and I might feel better. Then I feel guilty for thinking that, because I’m one of the lucky privileged ones these days, so what do I have to complain about?

I seem to be having a hard time dealing with a lot of life in general at the moment. If that makes sense. I fill my days with fiction on TV or in books. Over and over again, to keep my mind occupied and keep me from thinking too much about real life. Real thoughts. Not think about myself too much as well. I feel like I really don’t want to be “in my head” at the moment, so I fill my head with fictional characters and plots. Probably not the wisest decision. I don’t know. I’m recognizing I might have a bit of problem here at least, right? Let’s see how it will pan out over the next few days weeks.

For half a day on Friday I considered writing my 2 cents about the 50+ German actors who lent their voice and face to a campaign which… seems to want to criticise the German government’s Covid policies. They also called it a “piece of art” so you couldn’t really know. I retweeted a lot about that on Friday, because I considered the campaign misguided and wrong (and stupid and cynical and so many other things). But then I realized I have (and still am to some extent) been spending too much time reading about it and what other people said about it and I just couldn’t / shouldn’t bother any more with it. Deutsche Welle has a good English summary on it all. The article is from Friday and by now about 15 more actors have withdrawn their videos and/or apologized.

What else? It was my birthday yesterday. The 2nd one in lockdown. Yay! Or not. I mean, it was alright and compared to last year more relaxed, because I had a friend come over in the afternoon, which was lovely. I got lots of messages on various channels which was also very nice. No one released a live album as present for me this year though ๐Ÿ™‚

In one of the novels, I mentioned above a bit of the story takes place in Kent, not in East Sussex, but I was reminded of my few days there by the coast either way. So here’s the my latest “Fragmented Travel Memories” picture….

Seven Sisters, Sussex, 2017
Seven Sisters, Sussex, 2017

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