03.02.21 | “When it feels like life weighs ten thousand tonnes”

Lyrics: “I Am Disappeared” – Frank Turner, 2009

I’m in absolutely weird, gloomy, lethargic mood at the moment. So many things I can blame for that. First of all: The global pandemic. The constant rain over here that’s been going on for days now. Hormones ;-). But phew, it’s exhausting. Yes, even being a sloth can be exhausting, because I’m prone to be mad at myself up for being a sloth, so I’m spending some of my limited energy on berating myself and I’m just… I don’t know. No idea if there’s a point to this post other than to just post and weakly wave to the internet world “I’m still here.. somewhere”.

On Monday I started the new My Peak Challenge Program, very enthusiastically. Yesterday I felt like I didn’t have enough time in the morning to do the 2nd workout and planned to do that in the evening instead. But then work and errands (visit with my mum) took longer and I had a Zoom date with some friends, so I didn’t. I set up everything to do it this morning instead. I got up at a reasonable time. I put on my workout clothes. I looked at the workout plan. And all of a sudden I couldn’t be bothered anymore. Or not “not bothered”. I just felt overwhelmed by all of it in that moment. And just couldn’t snap out of that feeling. It’s difficult to put it into words. For a moment I considered just heading out for a walk and some exercise instead, but … it’s still dark and it’s raining and I couldn’t be bothered with that either.

To make at least some use of my “getting up at a reasonable” hour I sat down to share my absolutely fucked up state of mind with the world. I might also do some guitar practice before I turn on the work VPN and Remote connection to my office work station.

There’s not much more to tell at the moment. Yesterday morning I listened to a song writing podcast with Frank Turner (released in November 2020), where they also talked about the “Buddies II” album and the opening line of the song “The Fleas” came up in the discussion.

I never thought that the apocalypse would be boring
I was expecting more of a bang and less of a sigh

The Fleas, Frank Turner & Jon Snodgrass, 2020

So so true. For me anyway and I know I’m saying this from a very privileged position (steady office or rather work from home job, I’ve got enough money, family and friends etc). But it’s dragging me down.

Not dragging me down, but annoying the crap out of my are the glaring lights on the crane on the construction site next door, because whenever my gaze leave the computer and wanders to the left to look outside I’m “blinded by the light” at least until it get’s lighter in a few hours. I usually leave the blinds half down to black out the lights, but that’s annoying too. Have I mentioned yet that I’m in a crappy mood ;-)?

construction site next door

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