05.09.2020 | “Lately, I’ve been feeling kind of fragile…”

… lately, I’ve been feeling all worn out”. For real! For quite a while, but especially these last few days, even weeks maybe, I’ve been feeling stressed and overwhelmed and pretty thin skinned. Being emotional in a variety of ways from being close to (frustrated) tears a lot to being very passive aggressive and snippy with people. I don’t like myself when I’m like this. So…. it was about time I get away from all of that. Away from my regular life and surroundings and people. I’m on vacation! Yay!

The first day went quite splendidly, I’d say. I slept well. Made myself breakfast from the tons of food I brought with me. I drove to the vacation spot (on a Dutch island) in my own car and there is a fully equipped kitchen in my apartment here, so why spend money on going to the cafe for breakfast. Especially in Pandemic times, where I try to avoid spending time indoors with people I don’t know very well for any longer than necessary. Anyway, I then spent over two hours on a walk headwind for half the way through woods and fields, tailwind for the 2nd half obviously along the beach. Had some lunch and decided to lay down for a nap. Only felt guilty for being “lazy and unproductive” for a quick moment, because I’m on vacation, God damn it. If I feel like sleeping I should sleep. And sleep I did for almost two hours. After that I went for another short walk in the opposite direction. Got back, managed to figure out the induction cooktop (without a manual), cooked some dinner and am now watching Grace Petrie & The Resistance Band on a live stream.     

I’m glad and a bit proud that on all the time out walking I didn’t spend too much time worrying or letting my thoughts spiral into weird and most often negative thoughts. Thoughts of work and political campaigning and some other stuff that weighs on my mind, came up fleetingly, but I always managed to not dwell on them for too long. Go me! I knew very well, why I needed to be away from home on my time off and most importantly why I needed to be by the sea. Being by the sea always helps to calm my mind and lets me recharge and refocus. And I’ve got five more full days of that. Bliss.

Lyrics: Faithful Son, Frank Turner, 2011  

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