01.07.2020 | “[….] running myself into the ground with such dedication”

Two more long days at work. Sort of busy, but also sort of dawdling and not as productive as I could / should have been. Yes, the thunderstorm-y weather and the change in atmosphere (I guess) that comes with it, didn’t help either.

Yesterday I lay down for a nap of sorts, just to have the alarm set for 10 pm to watch “Back To The Metal” – Frank Turner chat with Jaret Reddick on Instagram, like I did for the last three months. Not a sensible plan, because I actually slept and I need the sleep. That’s why I’m off to bed after typing this quick post as well.

Also yesterday on my way to work and back I listened to Frank on a podcast (too lazy to look it up and link it now), where he talked a lot about his mental health issues and self destructive behaviour in form of self harm (as a teen), substance abuse as a grown up. And so much of what he touched on felt so familiar. Not in a substance abuse / addiction kind of way, butself destruction comes in so many shapes. I know very well what my ‘wrong’ behaviours are, but I still can’t stop myself. And it might not be harmful in a physical way (as drugs and alcohol are), but I know it’s unhealthy in other ways. And still… *sigh*

There is definitely stuff to think about in the next few days. I’ve officially got days off from work from next Monday till the Tuesday after. Yay! I will have to work a little bit from home still (making up for all the dawdling I did these past few days), but besides that I have a few tentative plans. Pracitcal ones like new book shelves. Sorting through the mess of my apartement. More introspective ones like having a proper look at why I act / react the way I do. Vague, I know. But I still haven’t quite found the right words yet.

Positivity 2020

Vacation is signed off ★ Being able to afford to buy books in bulk (on a whim) ★ 

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